Peaches and Haggis

It's been a big news week for the church of Scientology. Ordinarily, L Ron Hubbard's sci-fi pyramid-scheme-turned-religion only hits the headlines when Tom Cruise picks a fight with post-natally depressed women or John Travolta attempts to reassert his heterosexuality.

Nowadays, it seems as though they're operating the kind of one-in-one-out policy normally found on the door of a nightclub that contravenes fire safety regulations.

At the start of the week, the big story was Oscar-winning screenwriter Paul Haggis leaving the church over its mistreatment of gay people. In a letter addressed to Tommy Davis, the head of Scientology's dubiously-named Celebrity Centre, Haggis accused the church of denying gay rights by sponsoring Proposition 8. The proposition was added to the California ballot in November's general election, to restrict the definition of marriage to opposite-sex couples only, in doing so, overturning same-sex couples' constitutional 'right' to marry.

In his letter, which was published on a blog about Scientology and has since taken the internet by storm like a drunk guy buying beer, Haggis also attacked the church's policy of 'disconnection', which involves severing all ties with people who disparage the religion. After 35 years of loyalty, Haggis has decided that he's undergone his last audit.

But it's not all bad news for the religion so weird that it makes the Mormons look normal. They may have lost one high-profile talent, but at least there's another one waiting in the wings to take his place. Failing that, Peaches Geldof is also free.

Sir Bob's pointless progeny, who must make the Hiltons feel like proud parents by comparison, has spent the last few months exploring her spiritual side and decided that Scientology is religion for her.

In an interview with hard-hitting journalist Fearne Cotton (Jeremy Paxman must have been busy), the Boomtown brat has been talking up her intellectual side. Keen to distance herself from her hard-partying image, she'd like to point out that she's more interested in Stephen Hawking and Richard Dawkins. Apparently, waiting in the doorway of Borders for the rain to stop is enough to qualify her as an intellectual.

More importantly, Peaches claims to have been a Scientologist for "a while now", since she's keen to make herself a better person. I'm just wondering whether the fact that I wish she was a better person makes me a Scientologist too.