Thursday, 8 October 2009

Flicking the Bean

No-one ever said being a teenager was easy. The acne, the growing pains, the awful self-indulgent poetry. And if you though your formative years were tough, think how much harder it must be doing it in the intense glare of public scrutinty.

It's no wonder that most celebrities end up raising children with all the appeal of a Jiffy-bag full of anthrax. Because for every well-balanced, smart and polite child like Lourdes Leon, there's a whole slew of Kellies, Pixies and Peaches. Loathsome, self-absorbed, talentless brats with an extraordinary sense of entitlement, and absolutely no discernible talent.

Let's face it, if you're born to famous parents, the chances of you growing into a gracious and appealing young person, are about as good as Bruce Forsyth ever retiring.

Helping to underline this point is Frances Bean Cobain, the large-faced offspring of one of rock music's most influential figures (sorry Courtney, I don't mean you). Although she started out by shunning the limelight, her suicide-themed 16th birthday party was a clear indication that she was keen to ruffle more feathers than Rod Hull's right arm.

This week she made good on that promise by writing an angry open letter on Twitter. Ironically, the target of Frances Bean's ire was another product of the celebrity breeding ground, Ali Lohan - little sister of Lindsay.

Ali's crime? Recording a Christmas song (and accompanying video) with all the high quality production values of those TV ads for Christmas voucher saving schemes. Even if YouTube is unable to show the video in certain territories for fear of breaching the Geneva Conventions, the anger that Frances shows is surely misplaced.

In a letter filled with typos, spelling mistakes and incomplete thoughts, Cobain Jr start out by stating "Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name." She has a point - nepotism is an ugly thing, and I hope she takes it up with the people at Rolling Stone who gave her an internship, despite writing skills that make Katie Price look like Angela Carter.

She continues, "it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss..." The good news here, is that even if she inherited none of her father's talent for music, she could at least earn a crust co-authoring lyrics with Tanita 'Twist In My Sobriety' Tikaram.

The sad thing is, Frances Bean clearly believes that she's a cut above all the desperate, second-generation wannabes that currently fill the supermarket tabloids. But unless she learns to turn a more compelling phrase, she can only ever hope to be known as 'the daughter of Courtney Love'. And that's a fate I wouldn't even wish on a Lohan.

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