Saturday, 10 October 2009

X-Factor Live Finals, third time's the charm

MissMatch, sorry, Mis-Teeq, sorry, Miss Frank. That's the one.

If they don't get it, their dreams will be crushed. Just like everyone else then. Looks like two of them have been raiding Ricky's dressing room - it's a cheap hat-fest tonight. They're having a bash at Terence Trent D'Arby, and they're pretty good, but some of the notes are sharper than Stacey's nose. They've found the right balance of group vocal and solo show-offery. Well done girls, better than the strippers anyway. Cheryl has learned the word 'qualms' - she seems very fond of it. Bless. Louis thinks they're "like a female JLS" which shows the extent of his imagination and grasp of the simile.

Jamie - he's still got that scarf hanging off his waist. Is that like a hanky code I don't know about?

The stylists may not have been able to convince Jamie about the value of manscaping, but they've at least raised his shirt neckline by a foot and a half. He's doing 'Get It On' - we know this because the huge screen in the background tells us so. His vocal is really strong and confident, but his eyes are cold and dead. Maybe he's wondering just how much he sold out to get this far. Simon gave it a standing ovation, or perhaps he was just working out the wrinkles in those high-waisted pants of his. Louis wants versatility, which is a fairly harsh judgement after one performance.

Lloyd - he's afraid of the high notes. Even Brian Friedman thought it was a disaster. This does not bode well.

I think we've found this year's Eoghan Quigg. The vocal is rough and patchy, and without the high notes it's utterly pointless. Singing Justin Timberlake without the falsetto is like doing Mariah without the dog whistle. Louis thinks he's a 'born pop star', which means he can't wait to buy the inevitable naked issue of Attitude magazine.

Lucie is tackling Leona (not literally, it's not that kind of a show). This had better be good.

That screeching sound is Simon sharpening his claws, although he got a co-writer credit on the song, so maybe he'll be kind. The key change hit her like a bus, and the wind machine filled her mouth with hair. The performance was pretty good, but ultimately showed up just how great Leona's original is. It felt like the vocal equivalent of a fake Louis Vuitton wallet. Coming up in the next segment are John and Edward, and we get the world's first boo for an X-Factor finalist. Amazing scenes people.

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