The day the music died

In news that will have any middle-aged music fan sobbing into his Volvo Haynes Manual, it was revealed today that Phil Collins' percussive proclivities have come to an end.

After surgery in April to correct a dislocated vertebra in his neck, the Grammy-winner was left without feeling in his fingers. As a consequence, he's been unable to pick up him drumsticks since.

However, anyone hoping that this tragic news might mean a chance for them to regain the feeling in their ears is in for a shock, as the frozen-fingered vocalist announced that he's keen to get back in the st-st-studio.

Obviously inspired by the success of his 1982 version of "You Can't Hurry Love", Phil has decided to revisit the output of Hitsville USA and share his love of sixties soul with the wider world. The flaw in his thinking is that he intends to create a 30-track album of Motown covers, that he wants to sound "exactly like the originals".

When Gus Van Sant announced plans to stage a shot-for-shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock's classic Psycho, purists were shocked by his audacity and arrogance. Since the film was already believed by most to be one of the most perfect horror movies ever created, what was the point in simply reshooting the same movie?

Some people argued that Van Sant was finally able to film certain key shots originally envisaged by Hitchcock, but rendered impossible by limitations of both censorship and technology. For film fans, this simply meant they were treated to a couple of fancy crane shots, Anne Heche's nipples and Vince Vaughn enjoying one off the wrist.

It's hard to know what the equivalent bonus features would be from Phil's double album of accurately recreated Motown songs. But as long as his fingers remain numb, we can at least hope to dodge the Vince Vaughn option.