Saturday, 31 October 2009

Stating the obvious

In an interview with cosmetic dentistry's coffee-table magazine-of-choice Harper's Bazaar, Victoria Beckham has finally admitted what the rest of the world knew long ago.

The stick-thin airbag tester has finally issued a mea culpa for anyone who had the misfortune to overhear her attempt at a solo career, admitting that her singing career was a mistake.

Displaying a momentary flash of self-awareness, Victoria told the magazine "People never believed the solo singing career, and it wasn't the real me." That slapping sound you can hear is the inventor of Auto-Tune hitting his forehead in despair. After all, 'Easy V' (as she was christened in the Spice Girls' debut single Wannabe) has a voice that makes ex-bandmate Geri Halliwell sound like Dame Kiri Te Kanawa

It's not all bad news though, as Victoria joyously reveals that she's finally where she belongs - although weirdly, that's not an eating disorder clinic. Apparently, the world of fashion has embraced Victoria to its bony ribcage and applauded her love of corsetry and boning. Steady now. 

Like all fashion icons, Victoria's look is evolving over time. Her latest image breakthrough is something she calls a 'smile'. Ever the innovator, the po-faced pugil stick claims "I've mastered this smirk; it's a smile that isn't a smile." Much like her voice, that isn't really a voice. 

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