Everything's at stake - apparently

Here we go. Get ready Britain. I do hope that voiceover man has stocked up on Strepsils - his throat must be red raw. They're going crazy in Dagenham - but then how much else do they have to be excited about? Certainly not the fact that their guest host of Jeff Brazier.  Cheryl's looking a bit bemused about being here, like she wandered through a giant wardrobe and found herself on the X-Factor stage.


Tonight the performers will be kicking things off by singing the song from their first audition. Dannii is working a Greek goddess look with her hair, part Athena, part Medusa. And Stacy's still talking like a hyperactive idiot, as though she needs to complete a sentence before the oxygen runs out. She's going back to school, the same school she was allegedly kicked out of when she got pregnant. Here's hoping the homecoming is warmer than her departure.


What a wonderful world, and she's doing it beautifully, although the key change was a little bit ropey. But at least this week she's sitting on a chair rather than trying to walk across a row of them. he's also taken a leaf out of Westlife's book by standing up for the final chorus. Louis loves everything about Stacy (except for her lack of penis perhaps). Simon's steering clear of the percentage references, and Dannii's eyes are twinkling with tears. It's gonna be an emotional night.