Friday, 11 December 2009

The people under the stairs

OK, so you're lonely, lovelorn and maybe even a little bit sad. That's not an accusation, just a hypothetical scenario. Once upon a time it was considered astonishingly brave for a lonely-heart to sign up with an internet dating site in the hope of meeting their perfect partner.

These days, web dating sites are ten-a-penny, even taking out TV ad space to shout about all their HOT NEW MEN at the top of their lungs, like a pimp with a PA system. To put it simply, web dating is yesterday's news.

The love of your life is out there, but if you want to find them you have to be prepared to look a bit harder. And you have to be willing to do it with a full camera crew in attendance, and a furry boom mike picking up all your best flirty banter.

The Bachelor, The Bacherlorette, The Farmer Wants A Wife, Joe Millionaire - the hits just keep on coming. In fact, Wikipedia currently lists
86 different dating reality shows, all of them filled with no-hopers too shameless to even make the grade on Big Brother. And now there's a new one to add to the ever-growing list.

Having already appeared on two awful-sounding dating show called
I Love New York 2, perennial bridesmaid Frank 'The Entertainer' Maresca has now been granted his own show. This time, instead of competing, Frank will be the ultimate prize for fifteen women with low standards and even lower self-esteem.

The 32-year old beefcake still lives at home with his parents, so they'll be playing a key role in the new show, as they help Frank determine which high-class hottie will finally entice him out of their home and into a place of his own. The big twist is hinted at in the show's name -
Frank the Entertainer In A Basement Affair.

That's right, the girls are all moving into Susan and Gary's
conveniently spacious below-stairs living space, and will battle it out to win the heart and mind (tbc) of the handsome hero. One glance at the line-up of talent suggests that the show's location is spot on, since Melodi, Christi et al might best be described as 'Bargain Basement' beauties. Their headshots suggest that the show's entire make-up budget amounted to little more than what could be snatched from a hooker's purse while she used a public bathroom.

According to the rules of the show, "The girls will have to compete for Frank’s love, and follow Mom and Dad’s house rules if they want to stay in the house. Each week at elimination, Frank will give the ladies keys to his basement, and those locked out will have to pack up, and move out."

Is anyone else feeling a little creeped out by this? Coming so soon after Josef Fritzl's home improvements hit the headlines, the idea of a bunch of young women being kept in a basement for one man's pleasure takes on a particularly unsavoury angle. I know about the old saying that "Love is blind", but this is like poking its eyes out.

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