Twist and shout

Olly's favourite song from the whole series is Twist & Shout. Seriously. It's fine if you're Ferris Bueller, but a little bit lightweight for an X-Factor final. Simon still hasn't picked up on the percentage joke - hopefully he can enroll in a remedial maths course when the series is over.

It's an Olly performance, so that means glib vocals, silly footwork and twenty dancers - the producers are certainly getting their money's worth out of them. They're doing the Thriller dance (again) which seems even more incongruous this time around. Louis is wearing his little bow-tie, bless. He couldn't look more like a tit if he had a giant nipple on his head. Simon says Olly was so good that their could be an upset tonight, which is his roundabout way of saying that he's backing Joe too. Trying to follow the live VT in Colchester is rather like having a phone conversation in the doorway of a nightclub - not a pleasant experience.

This li'rally could change Joe's life forever. So he's changed his hairstyle and he's belting out Don't Stop Believin' which sounds great but its lyrics don't really suit an 18-year old from South Shields. The judges have all risen for Joe (no jokes about Louis here). "Small town boy", "You've never let go", are the judges all speaking in song lyrics tonight? That would be fun. The mayor of South Tyneside and his wife look like they broke down on the way to the golf club, but they're yelling along with the great unwashed, so it's all good.