Saturday, 12 December 2009

There's more, there's more

Simon's dad is from Essex, so it was like going home for him. Except not into a gated community I imagine. Olly's old school looks a lot like a juvenile detention centre - in the middle of nowhere with screaming inmates behind a ridiculously high fence. Simon loves to take his time when saying "incredibly", spelling out each syllable, but he can't bring himself to 'love' when it comes to Olly. 'Like' is as good as it gets.

Simon looks a little frightened on his way to Olly's gig, but that might just be the Butterscotch Angel Delight repeating on him. Olly's been reading up on his cliches - he doesn't want this dream to end. But we all have to wake up sometime.

He's doing Superstition - he does love his Stevie Wonder. We can guarantee some embarassing dancing at some point during this performance. Although I'm not sure why the dancers are all dressed like flappers - this song was recorded in 1972, not the 1922. Olly just did a nice slide along the floor under the dancer's legs, like a child who pretends to drop a handful of change (i.e. John Candy in Splash) for a glimpse of a woman's coin purse.

Cut to Michael Underwood in Colchester. They're really bringing out the big guns for these 'on location' reports - ITV3's schedule must be empty tonight. 

Cheryl 'National Treasure' Cole is proud to introduce her little brother Joe. She's headed back to the north wearing a strange skull scarf and cardigan combo. Joe promises to "do it for the Geordies" because this show is all about the regional voting. Joe's dad is propooooosing a toooost, and his Grandma has got everyone in tears, despite being alive and well (sorry Pete). 

Joe is performing Dance With My Father and as always he's doing it perfectly, with a nice little trill before the chorus.  He needs to put a bit of oomph into it though if he wants Simon to give him 'round one'. And that's exactly what he's done - key change, dry ice and a choir that seem to live behind those sliding doors. Hurrah for our little Geordie dynamo. 

Louis predicts Joe's future is going to change. That's Mystic Meg out of a job then. Cheryl's crying, which is a bit of a worry because those eyelashes look like they cost a fortune. Joe looks a little too pleased to have Dermot's arm round his shoulder, but then who could blame him.

Kimberly Walsh just interviewed an unintelligible Geordie who sounded like he was yodelling with a mouthful of Primula cheese spread. I don't have a clue what that was all about, but it's very exciting. Phone lines are open - you know what to do. 


  1. its a shame that Ollie and Stacey split the essex vote when Joe gets the Geordie Nation to himself.

  2. I vote for a new war of the roses

  3. this time of year its got to be Quality Street