All the lovers and haters

The Minogue sisters must be Australia's most successful export after soaps with MDF sets, pissy lager and films with ABBA on the soundtrack. And this is a big summer for the toothy twosome as they're both busy lining up the biggest releases of their respective careers.

Dannii is three weeks away from delivering her first child, and Kylie is on the promotion trail ahead of the release of Aphrodite - her 11th album. After the lackluster response to X, she's hoping that Stuart Price's impeccable knob-twiddling credentials will make this CD the hit that her previous long-player should have been.

However, despite the siblings' popularity in the UK, they've clearly done something to upset the editorial team at the Daily Mail. Today, the toxic tabloid features two different stories about the Antipodean sisters that portrayed them in a less than flattering light.

Minogue Sr was slated for her "relentless promotion" of Aphrodite, as though she's the first recording artist to suffer the indignities of a GMTV appearance in order to plug a new album. During her marathon stint on the salmon sofa of doom, she even managed to turn her versatile hand to the weather forecast and helped Richard Arnold deliver his so-camp-it-hurts TV preview.

Obviously La Minogue is no stranger to the gays - she makes Liza Minelli look like Anne Widdecombe. She even chose gay bible Attitude for her big pre-release interview, featuring in a fantastic photoshoot surrounded by a variety of buff men who couldn't have looked more disinterested in her if she'd been dressed as an overweight traffic warden.

Younger sister hasn't fared much better - appearing in her own photoshoot in a voluminous blue maternity outfit that made her resemble Violet Beauregarde after chewing on the three-course-dinner gum.

In its typically taunting tone, the Mail sneers that 'Dannii No-Mates' "happily posed for photographs - but looked rather lonely in the empty surroundings with not a friend in sight". Maybe it didn't occur to them that anyone with any class would get the photos out of the way so she could enjoy a private party afterwards. Perhaps they prefer the Katie Price approach, where the expectant mother hops into a pair of stirrups so the paparazzi can see if the baby starts crowning.

The reader comments posted below the two stories give a depressing insight into the paper's readership - filled with ugly sniping about these two fairly innocuous women. One reader posted "Boob job, botox and clip in hair extensions on show. What a NATURAL beauty!!", whilst another decided to show his knowledge of Kylie's back catalogue by quoting the lyrics to 'I Should Be So Lucky'. Dannii gets a similarly snippy response: "Its obvious her only friends are the photographers ... She just dressed up for the media and publicity! How sad? Please, stop giving reports on this attention seeking nobody!"

There's a strange psychology at work here - people who spend hours poring over the celebrity news pages, only to then dismiss the subject of the articles with a feigned indifference. Just check out how often people make the effort to add a comment, only to say "Who?"

Whether we like it or not, our celebrity culture is here to stay. We can embrace it or ignore it - but we can't have it both ways.

Everything's at stake - apparently

Here we go. Get ready Britain. I do hope that voiceover man has stocked up on Strepsils - his throat must be red raw. They're going crazy in Dagenham - but then how much else do they have to be excited about? Certainly not the fact that their guest host of Jeff Brazier.  Cheryl's looking a bit bemused about being here, like she wandered through a giant wardrobe and found herself on the X-Factor stage.


Tonight the performers will be kicking things off by singing the song from their first audition. Dannii is working a Greek goddess look with her hair, part Athena, part Medusa. And Stacy's still talking like a hyperactive idiot, as though she needs to complete a sentence before the oxygen runs out. She's going back to school, the same school she was allegedly kicked out of when she got pregnant. Here's hoping the homecoming is warmer than her departure.


What a wonderful world, and she's doing it beautifully, although the key change was a little bit ropey. But at least this week she's sitting on a chair rather than trying to walk across a row of them. he's also taken a leaf out of Westlife's book by standing up for the final chorus. Louis loves everything about Stacy (except for her lack of penis perhaps). Simon's steering clear of the percentage references, and Dannii's eyes are twinkling with tears. It's gonna be an emotional night.

Putting the issue to bed

Well, it looks like the BBC can finally close the lid on the whole Anton De Beke racism fiasco, since the followers of Saturday evening talent shows have a new controversy to contend with. And once again, Simon Cowell finds himself laughing all the way to the BARB Christmas party.

If you watched the first live final of the X-Factor last night, or caught up on all the action here at p0pvulture, you'll know about Dannii's somewhat tactless comment to Danyl. The judges are clearly miffed that one contestant has outshone all the others since his very first appearance, and they weren't letting anything stand in the way of bringing him down a peg or two.

Louis told Danyl that he needed to be more likeable, an example of irony so epic that pots and kettles across the country are fearful that their iconic idiom status is now under threat. Cheryl, meanwhile, claimed that Danyl was in danger of becoming over-confident. Of course, her feedback may have been different if she'd been granted her original wish and had Danyl in her group. Unfortunately, Dannii threw caution to the wind machine, and decided to open up a whole can of worms with a comment about lyric-changes.

Changing the words to suit the singer is nothing new on shows like the X-Factor - I've lost count of the times that 'Lady Marmalade' has been rendered incomprehensible by changing the lyrics to 'voulex vous chantez avec moi', turning it into the story of a whore who offers singing lessons. All that happened on Danyl's performance, was that the gender of the person being sung about was changed to suit a male singer.

Dannii clearly felt that she was being clever, commenting on this by saying "No need to change the gender references, if we're to believe everything we read in the press." This was followed by a staggeringly painful silence, long enough for Dannii to realise that her flippant remark had crashed and burned. Danyl looked shocked, babbled something about not being ashamed of anything and Simon went into full-on indignant mode, as his protégé's enormous eyes filled with enough tears to drown Rebecca Adlington.

Within minutes, the entire internet was sagging under the weight of all the people taking to the message boards to decry Minogue Jr's supposed slight. Cries of "Sack Dannii" echoed around the forums, with Digital Spy scoring 48 pages of comments on the subject, by lunchtime today.

But was Dannii really being homophobic? She certainly denies it, making her apology on her blog and pointing out that she has spent her entire career supporting the gay and lesbian community. Indeed, she's as much of a Mardi Gras staple as overpriced lager or the stench of amyl nitrate.

In her own way, Dannii was probably trying to show solidarity by encouraging Danyl to be true to himself when performing. Let's not forget that it was Danyl who gave the interview to The Mirror shortly after his first audition, telling the world that he is bisexual. Although strangely, the Mirror has forgotten, since they were today accusing Dannii of 'outing' the young teacher.

The sexuality of talent show contestants has long been a hot potato. It's not that we've ever been short of pink contestants, but with the exception of Alex Parks (whose career showed all the longevity of warm milk) none of them have ever 'come out' - at least until after they'd won. Unfortunately, it works a little like the US military policy of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' which yesterday President Obama promised to end.

Dannii's real mistake was to openly reference the love that dare not speak its name on prime-time. If she'd had more than seven seconds to make her remarks, she may well have been able to articulate herself more clearly. It also didn't help that she made her comments with what looked like a sneer, but this could simply be because she has only recently regained control of her facial muscles and seems a little out of practice.

Perhaps it's for the best that tonight's results show is overshadowed by the untimely death of another out gay performer, Boyzone singer Stephen Gately. I was going to write something about Stephen's death, but I think PopJustice says it better than I ever could.

X-Factor Live Finals, hang in there!

John and Edward - proof that someone, somewhere did something very wicked indeed with a goat, a dagger and pentagram.

Their open VT did them no favours. They're doing Rock DJ, and I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping they'll end up being skinned alive like in Robbie's video for the original. They have the shiny-faced malignancy of the motiveless psychopaths in Michael Haneke's astonishingly unnerving Funny Games. The vocal keeps dropping out but it's not a technical fault, they simply aren't even attempting the tougher notes.

Next to sing for his supper is Joe. Cheryl's beaming with pride, and Simon looks a little confused, like he's just received the bill for his birthday party.

Another meringue of a voice, although he gets louder on the bridge and he's growing into the song. It's a shame the same can't be said for the jacket he's wearing. His smile is his fortune, even if he's a little overly blessed in that department. It seems that Simon liked it, maybe he needs to soften Cheryl up after their spat earlier.

Up last is Danyl, who showed a lot of early promise, then squandered some of the goodwill at Boot Camp stage.

Robbie's telling him to 'tone it down a bit' which is like Beth Ditto telling you to try low-fat mayonnaise. He's doing "And I'm telling you..." from Dreamgirls, a song which has taken more abuse on this show than Louis Walsh. I can see what Simon's doing here, trying to turn him into McAlmont - a sexually ambiguous singer doing a male Shirley Bassey routine. Dannii's just horrified every one of her fans by making a really unnecessary gay jibe at Danyl's expense. Looks like she's regretting it too.

Thanks for watching, and remember to vote for your favourite. Unless you're backing John and Edward, in which case you need to go and have a good hard think about your life.

X-treme makeovers

As the X-Factor hopefuls prepare for the nerve-shredding terror of boot-camp, press attention is once again returning to the judges. But aside from the usual questions of who hates who, and who's got which category, most of the articles published in the last week or so seem particularly obsessed with the judges' ever-changing appearances.

For a start there's Cheryl Cole, who in the space of 15 months has transformed herself from scrappy Geordie battleaxe into national feminine treasure (which admittedly makes her sound like a gold-plated tampon).

She's been talking up the importance of good hair, which makes sense, given that hers constitutes a good 40 percent of her body weight. Cheryl considers her hair a 'safety blanket' although, given the amount she displays every weekend, there's probably enough for a mattress and a couple of pillows too.

Dannii Minogue, who's changed her appearance so much she must struggle to pick herself out in a group photo, has decided this year to finally ditch the Botox needle. In previous years, her face has been as immobile as a hotwired BMW, but she must have grown tired of having to express her emotions with hand gestures.

Given that she's only had one expression for the last three years - the glare of horrified surprise as modeled by Lee Remick in The Omen - it must be a blessed relief to finally be able to do 'jaunty'.

But the biggest shocker this year is Louis Walsh, who has finally given in to Simon's malignant influence and subjected himself to a little nip and tuck. Thanks to a dose of Botox and some surgery on his eye-bags, the little Irish pixie is looking a million percent (copyright Louis Walsh) better than he did last year.

Admittedly, Louis Walsh having surgery is a little like pasting go-faster stripes on a tortoise, but one has to applaud the effort. At least now, Louis can look in the mirror and recycle his favourite line again: "Louis, you look like a diva, you sound like a diva."

The dream fades

Poor little Leon Jackson. The teary Scottish crooner must have been born under a bad sign because he's suffered yet another setback. It was reported recently that he'd been dropped by his record label Sony after only shifting 130,000 units, but now it seems like his luck has gone from bad to worse. It's been announced that he's had to cancel ten concerts on his forthcoming UK tour, including dates in London, Manchester, Cardiff and Edinburgh. Still, Ipswich and Birmingham must be delighted that the pint-sized troubadour is still heading their way.

According to the fan forums this is 'heartbreaking news'. Especially since no real reason has been given for the cancellation, except unforeseen circumstances. I suppose both acts (because Leon was being supported by Same Difference) being suddenly dropped by their fair-weather record label could be considered an unforeseen circumstance - they certainly won't have been expecting it. Scottish enthusiasts of the bargain-bin Buble can at least take heart that there are still seven events taking place north of the border. Although it's telling that a spokesperson said "We tried to cater to as many fans as we could and we think we have done that.", meaning that there weren't a whole lot of people interested in spending £30+ on a ticket in the first place. Especially since most people couldn't drum up £8 for the CD, where at least he sounds like he's in tune.

It's not all bad news though. The silver lining on this thunderhead is that Leon has a powerful advisor in his camp. Ex-X-Factor mentor Dannii Minogue has apparently been on the phone to offer career advice. Which is nice. So let's try not to point out that this is a woman whose own record contracts seem to have about the same shelf life as soft cheese.

It could have all been so different. A little bit of encouragement, a half-decent marketing budget, and maybe a singing voice that could cut it live, and who knows what heights Leon might have scaled? He did at least have a couple of decent songs on his album. In fact, here's one of them, so have a listen and imagine what could have been...