Skating on thin ice

A famous philosopher once said, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." Although this insight is generally applied to human rights abuses and acts of war, it's equally applicable to 80s pop stars.

So we've only ourselves to blame for the fact that, since she was the first to be voted off Dancing On Ice last night, Sinitta is now threatening a return to her music career.

Clearly anticipating a more substantial stint on her skates, the well-preserved disco dolly had cleverly lined up a greatest hits CD to release in a couple of weeks' time, hot on the blades of a previous compilation, released just a couple of months ago. Strike while the ice is cold and all that.

That means we can all look forward to lots more airplay for So Macho, the gayest song ever written by a rampant homophobe. And Sinitta's got a few extra surprises up the sleeve of her sequined unitard - some contemporary R&B mixes of her era-defining oeuvre.

Speaking to Digital Spy, the woman who poses a bigger threat to ornamental shrubbery than Edward Scissorhands, said "I think any new material will happen through the people who want to remix some of my old classics. You know the rapper Fabolous? He wants to do something with one of my tracks." Lots of people want to do something with her old tracks, but in most cases it involves a pedal and the word 'Brabantia' on the lid.

Still, ever the optimist, Sinitta is philosophical about her early exit from the ice dancing extravaganza: "Maybe this is God's way of saying I need to be putting all my energy into promoting this album? All my club PAs were going to be subject to my Dancing On Ice schedule, so this has really kind of released me."

So there you have it - apparently God is strapping himself into a leather vest and hitting the amyl nitrate in anticipation of Sinitta's victorious comeback. She may not believe in miracles, but I do...