p0pvulture comes of age

Well, it's finally here - the 500th post. When I started this blog it was an experiment to see if I had the discipline to write something every day. And, with the exception of a few days where work or excessive alcohol consumption got in the way, I've managed to stick to my guns.

Of course, I probably wouldn't have bothered, were it not for the comments and encouragement I've received from all the people who, for whatever reason, have clicked on a link somewhere and spent a few minutes with p0pvulture. So thanks to everyone who stopped by, I hope you'll continue to frequent this grubby little corner of the interweb.

I've been trying to think about what today's post should be about. As usual it's something of a slow news day. Kerry Katona's been out and about in a pair of leggings, the youngest Kardashian sister is causing a stir with a sexy, jailbait photoshoot and Lady Gaga's on the front of Vanity Fair alongside some utterly nonsensical headlines that look as though they were written by an 'English as a second language' student. All gripping stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.

But in keeping with the whole "I'd like to thank..." Oscar speech tone of this post, I thought I'd give a few shout-outs to the great sources of information that inspire the stories on here. People often ask where I find 'this stuff', so consider this a peek behind the scenes. I shamelessly use their content in writing the blog (although I always post links to the original stories) but I thought it was worth mentioning them by name. You might even become a regular reader of some of them.

DListed is a snarky, sarcy and hilarious blog by Michael K who, as well as being one of the funniest people I've ever read, is also a bit of a cutie. He's created a whole 'slanguage' of his own, and managed to rename virtually every pointless celebrity that ever managed to score a feature in People Magazine. With countless new stories uploaded every day, he's such a prolific writer that he makes James Patterson look like JD Salinger.

Towleroad is another gay blog, but with less emphasis on bitchy putdowns and more focus on political issues around the world. It's well written, authoritative and the worthy winner of several blogger awards. Great links to all sorts of other content as well, the phrase 'you read it here first' could have been coined by Andy Towle, the site's creator.

Holy Moly (which most of you will already know) started out as an illustrated alternative to Popbitch, featuring blind items, idiotic celebrity quotes and random weirdness. It's now more like the bastard offspring of Perez Hilton and Heat Magazine - no bad thing in itself. Its readers (or at least the ones who comment on the stories) seem to be a fairly misanthropic bunch, wishing all kinds of ill-harm on the celebrities they enjoy reading about. But the copy is always funny, and they seem to get their hands on the paparazzi pictures before anyone else.

Of course, I have to also mention the Daily Mail which proudly flies the flag for bitter, acrimonious, poorly researched journalism. My distatste for the Mail, and everything it stands for, is no surprise to anyone who's spent more than five minutes reading this blog. People often ask why I read its website if I hate it so much - isn't that like repeatedly sticking my head in the oven to see if the gas is still on? Firstly, the Mail does a great job of aggregating the celebrity stories from around the world, even if it does maintain a toxic level of disdain for everyone that isn't Jerry Hall or Joan Collins. Secondly, its editorial style, and outspoken columnists mean that there's always an argument ripe for picking.

Big Hollywood is another resource that's as much an irritant as it is an information source. Established by right wing publisher Andrew Breitbart, the site was intended to offer a voice to conservatives working in the movie industry who feel underrepresented and excluded. In fact, it's a place where reactionary writers and woefully unfunny (we're talking Russ Abbot-levels of humourlessness) comedians come to pour scorn on anything involving the environment, feminism, racial equality, gay rights or non-Christian beliefs. The comments section under each post are worth a look, if only to see how widespread a problem mental instability seems to be in the US.

OK, that's enough negativity. Let's also give thanks for Digital Spy, which is the UK's fourth largest British entertainment website, with over two million unique users. It covers pretty much anything that happens in the world of celebrity, and I do mean 'everything'. For instance, an average day might feature six different 'news' stories about Katie Price, one for every time she opens her mouth. Unfortunately, in the rush to break stories first, the site doesn't always check its sources - so many of its stories open with "it's rumoured that..." or "according to an insider..." As a consequence, Digital Spy has more retractions than a Stanley knife, given that approximately half its 'news' content involves someone repudiating a story that's already run.

A few honourable mentions should also go to chud.com (for interesting, if slightly 'fanboy' film news), AfterElton (gay and lesbian news blog, and a daily picture of men in their pants), Popjustice (the world's best pop music site) and E!Online (which is great for celebrity gossip, despite its unhealthy obsession with the Gosselins).

Writing 500 posts may have been hard work, but it's made immeasurably easier thanks to these great information sources. So thanks to them for the inspiration, and thanks to you for reading. Meet you back here for the 1000th...

Skating on thin ice

A famous philosopher once said, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." Although this insight is generally applied to human rights abuses and acts of war, it's equally applicable to 80s pop stars.

So we've only ourselves to blame for the fact that, since she was the first to be voted off Dancing On Ice last night, Sinitta is now threatening a return to her music career.

Clearly anticipating a more substantial stint on her skates, the well-preserved disco dolly had cleverly lined up a greatest hits CD to release in a couple of weeks' time, hot on the blades of a previous compilation, released just a couple of months ago. Strike while the ice is cold and all that.

That means we can all look forward to lots more airplay for So Macho, the gayest song ever written by a rampant homophobe. And Sinitta's got a few extra surprises up the sleeve of her sequined unitard - some contemporary R&B mixes of her era-defining oeuvre.

Speaking to Digital Spy, the woman who poses a bigger threat to ornamental shrubbery than Edward Scissorhands, said "I think any new material will happen through the people who want to remix some of my old classics. You know the rapper Fabolous? He wants to do something with one of my tracks." Lots of people want to do something with her old tracks, but in most cases it involves a pedal and the word 'Brabantia' on the lid.

Still, ever the optimist, Sinitta is philosophical about her early exit from the ice dancing extravaganza: "Maybe this is God's way of saying I need to be putting all my energy into promoting this album? All my club PAs were going to be subject to my Dancing On Ice schedule, so this has really kind of released me."

So there you have it - apparently God is strapping himself into a leather vest and hitting the amyl nitrate in anticipation of Sinitta's victorious comeback. She may not believe in miracles, but I do...

All hail the AntiChrist

Is there anything left to say about Simon Cowell? The porcelain veneers, snide comments and high-waisted pants have all been done to death already, so I'll try to avoid returning to such well-trodden ground.

Simon's been in the news a lot lately, with his finger in more pies than Mr Kipling. Eoghan Quigg's debut album, Alexandra Burke's US record deal, American Idol over-running, and of course the discovery of one-woman weep machine Susan Boyle, have all helped to keep Simon's profile higher than ever in recent weeks.

So it should come as no surprise that once again the knives are out for the supercilious A&R exec-turned media mogul.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan. His mangled metaphors and repetitive analogies are matched only by his diffident rudeness in terms of irritation factor. In particular I find his all-too-evident indifference to the people involved especially off-putting - just watch how often he has to be told what was just said by a contestant, because he stopped listening the moment the camera was off him.

But despite all this, I can't help but feel the need to defend him when the other media figures go on the attack. This week, Jon McClure, lead singer of Reverend And The Makers branded Simon "Satan", accusing him of only being in the music business for himself and to make money. Which is a little like pointing out that Kate Moss is a little thin. He's an A&R man - his job (ever since it was handed to him on a plate by his Dad) has always been to find artists that will make money for the label. What he's managed to do is turn it into a role that people are willing to sit and watch him do. I'm just thankful he didn't choose a career in colonoscopy.

The problem with people like Jon McClure is that, whilst integrity and a life on the fringe are all well and good, a career in music is still a career. It pays the bills, it covers the mortgage, and if you're really lucky it'll buy you a whole lot else besides. Plus, there's something astonishingly arrogant about anyone who can breezily dismiss all of these shows and their contestants as "soulless". On behalf of Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia and Leona Lewis, I'd beg to differ. Similarly, when commenting that the "winner of his shows just meet certain criteria" he shows just how clueless he is. Of course there are criteria - most popular, highest audience vote...

It seems that people just want to cast Simon as the bad guy, and his shoulders are broad enough to carry the label. TV presenter, actor, singer and professional gay John Barrowman was interviewed on Digital Spy this week and happily concurred that Simon's shows place the emphasis on humiliating people. But do they? Sure, the cameras are there, and the editing team are on stand-by to find the best stories, but I've never seen anyone holding a gun to the contestants' heads. No-one's forcing them to be there. They've got their reasons, and they're there on that stage (or in that conference centre) because they're drawn to the bright lights like deluded mosquitoes.

There's an unspoken contract here - their dignity in exchange for whatever degree of fame or infamy they can secure off the back of their appearance. It's not really a theatre of cruelty, so much as a set of Do-It-Yourself village stocks. And every once in a while, as last weekend proved, someone surprises us by turning the tables and making us feel like the idiots instead.

Simon isn't the villain here. It's all a circus, and he's the ringmaster, clown and lion tamer, all rolled into one. And I can't think of anyone better to play the part.