Heidi's Hills aren't helping

Some people just can't catch a break. Take poor old Heidi Montag for example. Aside from the fact that she could lose a battle of wits against any animal with a shell, she seems to be rapidly losing touch with her fans.

It can't have helped matters that she's made herself almost unrecognisable, with an astonishing 10 cosmetic procedures all performed in one marathon session. Already blonde and boobilicious even before the surgical overhall, she now looks like something Hugh Hefner's cleaner might fish out from behind a sofa cushion.

She claims that she's not addicted to surgery, despite having more elective treatments than the entire cast of Desperate Housewives in her quest for perfection. The way she sees it, "I see an upgraded version of me. It's a new face and a new energy. It's a new person and I feel like almost all of the things I didn't want to be and who I turned into kind of got chiseled away." In fact, there were enough bits left over to win a supporting role in the next series of The Hills.

But let's not rain on her parade, since she's "very excited for the world to see the new me and a real me." Even if the 'real' her is about as authentic as one of those emails from a Nigerian prince who needs help with his bank account.

Not everyone thinks that Heidi's made the smartest move, with some people questioning the logic of advocating such extreme transformation to young people. But Heidi remains unapologetic, claiming "My main message is that beauty is within..." Like I said, smart moves aren't exactly her speciality.

Thankfully, it doesn't seem as though we need to worry about Heidi's monumental impact on popular culture. Her new album, which coincidentally came out this week, hasn't exactly scorched its way up the charts. She may have spent "over $1 million, almost $2 million" on producing 'Superficial' (seriously, this girl needs some irony classes and quick) but according to early sales figures she's sold less than 1,000 copies.

Perhaps her claims that "within the first week, we will definitely make our money back" were a little ambitious. Then again, Heidi's nothing of not ambitious. She did once confidently state "acting, singing, dancing - it's always been in me. I also plan to win an Oscar."

At least she doesn't have to worry about showing her face in public after such an embarrassing start to her recording career. No-one would recognise her anyway.