Friday, 15 January 2010

The Vagina Monologues

God bless celebrities. When they're not shielding their faces from the paparazzi or claiming 'press intrusion', they're more than willing to hitch up their skirts and invite the world to have a nosy.

If you think a lady garden is somewhere Charlie Dimmock spends her weekend, you might want to look away now. Because this week, a couple of celebrities decided to tell the world a little more about their downstairs activity than anyone wanted to know.

After a whirlwind romance, bandy-legged bird's-nest Russell Brand decided to make an honest woman of Katy Perry and proposed to her on a trip to India. The media were quick to jump to the conclusion that Russell had done more than kiss the girl (and like it), and that Katy was expecting a a little bundle of hairy joy.

Keen to nip these rumours in the bud, Katy handled the story with customary discretion, Tweeting "ur gonna make me cry, maybe that's my period tho. THAT'S RIGHT I'M BLEEDING. Face. Better luck next month peepz."

Anyone still wondering whether or not Katy had the painters in, would have found their curiosity sated once and for all thanks to the addition of a charming anime illustration of a girl menstruating a torrent of smiley animals.

Continuing the theme of figuratively baring all for one's art, Jennifer Love Hewitt appeared on the talkshow Lopez Tonight on Tuesday, to plug her new book and presumably draw attention away from her breasts for a change.

Now, this may sound old fashioned, but I thought that when women go through a break-up they get together with their friends to cry, comfort eat, and test the limits of what they will or won't drink.

When she split from her last boyfriend, Jennifer did get together with a pal, but instead of ordering a pizza and attacking the Chardonnay, they got a little more creative: "After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady. It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays."

There are so many questions to be answered here - Don't glue-guns get hot? What else was on their to-do list? Did the friend arrive fully prepared, just in case? Who the hell calls it a 'precious lady'? Do the Swarovski shops provide a drop-in service?

I'm all for celebrities becoming more open and accessible, but surely some things are better left unsaid (and unbedazzled).

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