Tuesday, 18 May 2010

It must be something in the Perrier

After two weeks in the biggest gay resort in Europe, it's tempting to believe that the whole world has added Dorothy on Facebook.

Thousands of underdressed homosexuals hanging off luridly coloured pride floats. Drag queens in every shape, size and colour - the good, the bad, and the 'hand me the Optrex'. Not one, but two Scott-Lee siblings on the main stage. Pick up a conch shell here, and rather than the sounds of the ocean you'll hear the Electrolightz remix of Telephone.

It's all too much for one small island to contain. And looking at some of the stories making the news this week, it seems as though the concentrated explosion of gay on Gran Canaria is taking to the air like volcanic ash.

Airspace over the blogosphere is heavy with innuendo and speculation as a series of high profile male celebrities find themselves in the pink spotlight. For instance, Daniel Craig set tongues (and other body parts) wagging when he put in an appearance at a Los Angeles gay bar called Roosterfish.

Although he was there to check out the 80s cover-band, eyewitnesses are inferring that he found more than a quantum of solace in the arms of his male friend. Spare a thought for poor stretchy-faced Rupert Everett, whose dreams of being the first gay James Bond look set to crash and burn like a henchman's helicopter.

James Franco has also been making himself comfortable in the company of men, taking to the stage at a Campari party to sing a duet about bad men with a sort-of drag performer called Kalup Linzy. Not too much a surprise, given that he's tackled more gay parts than Jeff Stryker, and made a student film at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts that "featured a boy dreaming in graphic detail about the jocks on the basketball court".

It's not so long ago that even a whiff of this kind of behaviour could kill an actor's career. Nowadays, it simply makes them a little more enigmatic. As long as people are guessing, it means they're still interested in you.

Speaking of which, Johnny Galecki and Chace Crawford have both been interrogated about gay rumours this week, and handled the enquiries with similar good taste. When asked by Whoopi Goldberg whether he was gay, Big Bang Theory star Galecki said "I've never really addressed those rumors because I always figured why defend yourself against something that's not offensive?"

Likewise, Chace was asked about the speculation around his relationship with Gossip Girl co-star Ed Westwick (the exact same question he'd been asked two years before) and commented "I just throw my head back and laugh. It’s not hard to deal with when there’s no truth to it. Just ignore it and it’ll go away." Although maybe it was the way he throws his head back that got those rumours started in the first place.

Even the animal kingdom is proudly hoisting a rainbow flag, with an article in today's Mail discovering with dismay that incidents of homosexuality have been documented in over 450 species.

Accompanied by a series of photos depicting spooning pandas, skipping penguins and a particularly mincing pair of giraffes, the feature makes the point that "Gay-rights campaigners have seized on evidence of animal homosexuality as proof that same-sex couples are a natural occurrence." There's even a book on the subject, amusingly titled 'Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality And Natural Diversity'.

After a fortnight of biological exuberance, I'm looking forward to getting back to normal. Whatever that is...

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