Thursday, 13 May 2010

Got an itch that needs scratching?

According to the old saying, everything is for sale, if the price is right. And a couple of stories making the news today suggest that there may be some truth in that old adage.

Over in Australia, reality TV has a less than stellar reputation, since the 2006 incident when two men had to be ejected from the Big Brother house for giving a turkey slap to a female housemate. But now TV producers are taking things to extremes with the announcement that a new show is being filmed in which virgins will be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

Fledgling fornicators were recruited using posters depicting the Virgin Mary, with the caption reading 'Virgins Wanted', and the contestants will be paid $20,000 plus 90 percent of the winning bid. Best of all, lucky TV viewers will be able to watch the deflowering since "the virgins' first sexual experience will be filmed for viewers".

It hasn't all been plain sailing for the plucky production team though - they've had to film the documentary in Nevada, since the virgins could be charged with prostitution if the transaction took place in Australia.

Of course, the contestants see things rather differently, with one virgin claiming "Technically I'm selling my virginity for money, technically that would be classified as prostitution, but it's not going to be a regular thing, so in my head I can justify that I'm not going to be a prostitute." Well, you certainly can't say she hasn't thought this through.

However, it's not guaranteed that their maiden voyage on the Good Ship Cherrypop will be the magical experience they're hoping for. So the contestants might like to know that an innovative British business is offering just what they need to leave their first sexual partner with a lasting memory of the occasion.

The unambiguously named offers a resaonably priced vial of pubic lice for 'novelty purposes' and seems to be particularly popular with people going through a difficult break-up. The homepage of the site features the disturbingly misogynistic strapline "Make that bitch itch" although, presumably, women can buy the lice too.

I guess stitching mackerel into someone's curtain lining or taking photos of a rectal exam using a toothbrush are just so last season.

The people who run the business claim "We sell you crabs to give to your ex-girlfriend or whoever has pissed you off enough to make you seek revenge on them.. If you want a method of revenge that doesn’t involve permanent damage, risk of personal injury or jail time, you have come to the right place."

For the bargain price of £34.99, you can buy the deluxe red package which features "Shampoo Resistant F strain Crabs. These crabs are almost impossible to get rid of and have been through over a year of selective lab breeding to be the most aggressive and most reproductive species on the planet! This species can take up to two weeks to get rid of and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw..."

Sex may sell, but in this brave new world of ours, everyone pays for it.

1 comment:

  1. hmmm, sounds the perfect opportunity to make some money and start a career in porn. Wonder how many "experienced" virgins they'll get...