Monday, 15 March 2010

Ke$ha prote$t$ too much?

Whatever happened to Joss Stone? One minute she was the saviour of blue-eyed soul, and the next she was a tie-dyed nightmare with an accent that would make Loyd Grossman break out in hives.

The good news for fans of inauthentic urban music, is that Joss's continued absence from public consciousness leaves room for the equally irritating Ke$ha. Her last single Tik Tok managed to keep the new 'We Are The World' off the number one spot in the US, thanks to its reckless party vibe and glisteningly current production.

It's all a million miles away from her quiet, folksy Nashville upbringing. But she'd rather we forgot about all that, since she's determined to prove herself the "walking celebration of fuck off irreverence and youth and fun."

Every time she's interviewed she goes to ridiculous lengths to prove how original and natural she is: "OK, you think it's all an image - well that's so not true. I get drunk and I like to dance to vinyl records in my room with my friends." See - all you cynics out there - she even listens to 'vinyl records', so she must be the real thing.

When she's not researching 'whiskey' on Wikipedia or practicing her gritty vocal drawl, she's usually putting the finishing touches to her 'screw the soap, where's the sheep dip?' appearance. Just as long as you don't think she's another fame-hungry starlet. She may have gained early notoriety by vomiting in Paris Hilton's closest, but she's keen to stress that she's not a party girl "in the 'vagina hanging out of my skirt' kind of way".

Faced with temptation at every turn, Ke$ha depends on her spirituality to keep her focused, telling The Times that she is "into energy". That's why she wears her own placenta around her neck - to give her second sight. And maybe to draw attention away from the rest of her 'dragged from a dumpster' ensemble.

By now, you may have got the impression that Ke$ha has been studying the Megan Fox Guide To Saying Anything For Column Inches, but nothing could be further from the truth. She knows who she is and she's proud of it - "I like getting drunk and partying but not in a gross way, I'm more like a pimp. More like a dance commander. Especially in America, 'party girl' is not a good image."

Self-awareness is a rare commodity in the world of celebrity. So maybe we should be thankful for Ke$ha. After all, it takes an enormous amount of chutzpah for someone so inane to release a single called 'Blah blah blah':

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