Sunday, 21 March 2010

Breast in show

Hollywood blockbusters have never been synonymous with realism. Whether it's the convenient parking space outside city hall, or the helpful phonecall telling you to switch on the news before the relevant report has even started - suspension of disbelief has always been the order of the day.

So let's give three cheers for Disney, which has finally stepped up to the plate on an issue that has ruined many a movie for me. The House of Mouse is currently casting the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie (trilogy shmilogy) and they're being very specific about the type of actress they're looking for.

Although this is a family-friendly franchise, the young wannabes hoping for a break-out role in POTC: On Stranger Tides had better be prepared to bare all. Not in the film - that would be unseemly, this nudity will all be taking place behind the scenes.

This may be a film series with ghostly pirates, squid-faced demons and a monstrous kraken, but the makers are going for absolute authenticity in the human cast. So they're looking for "beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft 7in-5ft 8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants."

Although that may have limited their talent pool by about 75% this is an interesting development. And they're taking it seriously, with director Rob Marshall promising to hold a 'show and tell' day when the actresses will need to pass a test designed to finger the falsies.

Of course, if they were really interested in historical accuracy they wouldn't stop at the boobs. Clear complexions, aerobicised bodies, dental veneers are all rather anachronistic in a film about pirates.

Still, no-one should really be surprised that the film-makers are rejecting augmented boobs - they're not to Jack Sparrow's taste. Everyone knows pirates only have eyes for booty.

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