Wednesday, 1 April 2009

The kids are alright…

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad” wrote Philip Larkin in 1971. And let’s be honest, the man had a point. But this is a truism that touches every sector of society, from the uber-poor to the ultra-rich. To quote another modern poet, Keanu Reeves (in Parenthood), “…you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”
So thanks then to MTV, for going out of their way to illustrate Keanu’s point in spectacular fashion in their series ‘Super Sweet 16’. Here we get to follow a host of nauseating little arguments for post-natal birth control, as they each prepare to host the ultimate sweet sixteen party, all bankrolled by dads who make Josef Fritzl look like father of the year.
For instance, here’s Jade – a noxious little mess of orange hair and unfortunate features – who wants just a few pictures of herself adorning the walls of her chosen venue. The most priceless moment is her oblivious response to the mockingly sarcastic venue manager who suggests Jade-wallpaper. Jade also tells us: “If I couldn’t shop, I’d probably commit suicide or summink.” If only.
Episode 108  Jade
And say hello to Freddy. He’s so fidiotic that he’s planning his fifteenth birthday party on a show called Super Sweet Sixteen. His big birthday present from his doting, pig-ignorant father is a trip to Hollywood for acting lessons. As Freddy tells us, he’s going to be a famous actor in America, although I’m not sure that Under-Age Puppy-Fat Boyz Part 8 has started casting yet… Still his friends are all like Totally OMFG about the whole thing, so that’s nice.
Episode 205  Freddy
So watch these clips (click on the MTV logos)and weep for the nation’s youth, as well as the God-awful morons that spawned them.

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