Sunday, 20 June 2010

Walk a mile in her stripper heels

Scientists are a noble breed - devoting long hours in the laboratory attempting to unravel nature's greatest mysteries and, in the process, enhance the lives of millions around the world.

However, not all lab-coat-wearing boffins are dedicated to solving the inexplicable complexities of modern life. Instead, they spend their days attempting to define and categorise facts that require no further elaboration.

In fact, there's a whole scientific sub-genre focused on explaining things that are already accepted as common wisdom. Take Dr Christine Stanik of Michigan University, for example. She's conducted an extensive study into women's reproductive habits to deduce that bimbo's aren't quite the airheads we take them for.

Anyone who's ever had an argument about Katie Price (or is that just me) and has had to listen to the stories about what a great business woman she is, already knows the gist of Stanik's argument. It turns out that, although they may act like they have the IQ of a Marks & Spencer's prawn sandwich, these 'bimbos' are shrewd enough to plan for the financial future of their offspring.

It's scary to think that we live in a reality where the WAGs and Paris Hiltons of the world can be considered 'shrewd', but facts are facts. And unless you have a clipboard and a flip chart full of calculations, who are you to argue?

Apparently it's "only natural" for women with an underwhelming education and crappy career prospects to try and bag a wealthy husband. The Daily Mail's coverage of this story uses the example of Anna Nicole Smith to illustrate the point, reminding readers that she was dismissed as a "gold-digging blonde bimbo" when she married a billionaire 63 years her senior.

In typically sexist fashion, the Mail's article revels in the opportunity to dismiss sluts and career women in one fell swoop. Women are either avaricious whores or emasculating, power hungry monsters living "frantic lifestyles that [are] badly suited to stable relationships". Brilliant.

Still, in light of the revelation that these 'bimbos' are smarter than we give them credit for, we finally have conclusive proof that Kerry Katona is the stupidest woman on earth. Rather than "wooing a man who could provide a stable financial future", she opted for a Westlife-evacuee, Mark Croft, and now a white van man. It's nice to know that in these complicated times, there are certain immutable truths on which we can rely.

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