Mayor apparent

It's political correctness gone mad I tell you. These days, an elected official can't even post offensive remarks on facebook without those bleeding-heart liberals getting their organic cotton, ethically-sourced knickers in a twist.

Poor old Sue Mills, Mayor of Torrington in Devon, made a perfectly innocent joke about illegal immigrants in her corner of the social networking site, only for easily upset constituents to complain.

As a consequence, Sue has had to issue a formal apology, expressing her deep regret: "I accept the comments on my page were out of character and never intended to cause offence. It was intended as a bit of fun and not designed to upset anyone. As soon as I realised that the comments might upset some people I removed them."

Well, you can't say fairer than that. Except that maybe you can.

The thing is, the comments she'd made had already upset people, so the damage was done. And she took them down because she was worried about losing her job, not to spare the sensitivities of the local population.

So what exactly did she say to cause such a kerfuffle? Her original facebook post read "Illegal immigrants are like sperm - millions of them come in but only one works." I'm sure Frankie Boyle is feverishly scribbling notes for his next tour.

But hang on a minute - if you're going to make a racially inappropriate comment on the internet, shouldn't you at least make sure that it makes sense first.

For a start, there's the issue of the sperm analogy. Presumably, Sue has never heard of dizygotic twins. These occur when a pair of eggs are fertilised at the same time by two different sperm cells, creating twin zygotes which then implant themselves in the uterine wall.

And what about the incisive commentary she's making about the immigration issue - a major discussion point in last night's pre-election debate? The problem is, illegal immigrants do work. They work without the necessary permits, usually for irresponsible employers who are looking to exploit their desperation, pay under minimum wage and dodge any National Insurance contributions.

Sue argues that the comment was "out of character", but she's made no effort to portray any other kind of character, besides the ignorant, bingo-winged shithead that her facebook profile portrays.

Too harsh? Not to worry - I apologise for any offence caused by my comments, which were, of course, made "as a bit of fun".