Monday, 12 April 2010

Putting it all behind her

And it was all going so well...

Jennifer Lopez had only recently been talking to the press about her 'vocal graduation', telling Access Hollywood that she had a new confidence in her singing skills. She felt particularly proud of the fact that she had sung an old Barbra Streisand song called 'My Man' for her man, husband Marc Anthony, and reduced him to tears in the process.

Beaming with pride, she claimed "I sang a song for Mark's 40th birthday... I was like, 'I can't believe I'm trying to sing a Barbra Streisand song, this is insane!' but I sang it and it was almost like I graduated. I sang it and he had tears in his eyes and we were both like, 'what was that?' and I was like, 'finally, I am a singer, this is what I do!'"

You might scoff at J-Lo's claims of disbelief and tears, until you consider the evidence that recently emerged, courtesy of some pissed-off sound engineers. Tired of La Lopez's diva antics, an irritated studio employee has apparently leaked a recording of the multi-hyphenate laying down some sounds for her forthcoming comeback album.

Biting her thumb at the naysayers, the Latino lovely has gamely taken on one of pop musics biggest targets - Enough Is Enough. Originally recorded in 1979, this epic duet between Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand made Alien vs Predator look like a mild playground scuffle, and featured two of the world's biggest voices, going at it hammer and tongs.

It's not so much a case of the song 'being too big for her' (critique appears courtesy of American Idol) - more the fact that she simply can't sing. At one point in the excruciating recording, the Bronx-born beauty laughs and apologises that the notes she hit were painful for her too. If only she knew how much.

According to the NY Daily News, this audio leak couldn't have come at a worse time, with an unnamed source (aren't they always?) claiming “People are saying that Jennifer is past her prime and her best work is behind her.” With an ass that was rumoured to be insured for $1 billion, it's safe to say that all of Jennifer's highpoints are behind her.

At least Jen can always count on the gays' support, even if all her other fans develop a debilitating case of tinitus. She told The Advocate this month that gays make the best audience ever: "You guys enjoy the music, you get into it, and you’re not afraid to let go and express yourself. That’s what I want from an audience. I recently did a show where the crowd was just standing there, staring at me with their camera phones up, YouTubing me or whatever the heck they do now. I was like, ‘This is crazy! I need vibe!’ I’d so much rather have you guys jumping up and down, waving your arms in the air.”

Chances are, all those people 'YouTubing her or whatever' were actually hoping to score some footage for 'Funny Or Die'. She might also want to check whether those guys in the audience were genuinely waving or simply begging her to stop.

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