Mayor apparent

It's political correctness gone mad I tell you. These days, an elected official can't even post offensive remarks on facebook without those bleeding-heart liberals getting their organic cotton, ethically-sourced knickers in a twist.

Poor old Sue Mills, Mayor of Torrington in Devon, made a perfectly innocent joke about illegal immigrants in her corner of the social networking site, only for easily upset constituents to complain.

As a consequence, Sue has had to issue a formal apology, expressing her deep regret: "I accept the comments on my page were out of character and never intended to cause offence. It was intended as a bit of fun and not designed to upset anyone. As soon as I realised that the comments might upset some people I removed them."

Well, you can't say fairer than that. Except that maybe you can.

The thing is, the comments she'd made had already upset people, so the damage was done. And she took them down because she was worried about losing her job, not to spare the sensitivities of the local population.

So what exactly did she say to cause such a kerfuffle? Her original facebook post read "Illegal immigrants are like sperm - millions of them come in but only one works." I'm sure Frankie Boyle is feverishly scribbling notes for his next tour.

But hang on a minute - if you're going to make a racially inappropriate comment on the internet, shouldn't you at least make sure that it makes sense first.

For a start, there's the issue of the sperm analogy. Presumably, Sue has never heard of dizygotic twins. These occur when a pair of eggs are fertilised at the same time by two different sperm cells, creating twin zygotes which then implant themselves in the uterine wall.

And what about the incisive commentary she's making about the immigration issue - a major discussion point in last night's pre-election debate? The problem is, illegal immigrants do work. They work without the necessary permits, usually for irresponsible employers who are looking to exploit their desperation, pay under minimum wage and dodge any National Insurance contributions.

Sue argues that the comment was "out of character", but she's made no effort to portray any other kind of character, besides the ignorant, bingo-winged shithead that her facebook profile portrays.

Too harsh? Not to worry - I apologise for any offence caused by my comments, which were, of course, made "as a bit of fun".

Not just a pretty face

Winner of the genetic jackpot and one half of the world's most lusted-after couple, Brad Pitt has been busy winning over the good people of New Orleans recently. Having set up the 'Make it Right' foundation in 2007 to build environmentally sustainable housing for those displaced by Hurricane Katrina, Brad has become something of a folk hero in his adopted home town. As a consequence, they're looking to repay the favour by campaigning for him to run as the next mayor of New Orleans.

It all started with an art professor called Thomas Bayer who set the ball rolling with a list called '13 Reasons Brad Pitt Should be the Next Mayor of New Orleans'. This inspired a local clothes retailer to print T-shirts emblazoned with 'Brad Pitt For Mayor'. And a grassroots campaign was born.

As with most stories invented by the media off the back of some sporadic viral activity, it's now got to the point where Brad has been expected to set the record straight, and he's done so in typically self-deprecating fashion. Speaking to Parade Magazine, he said "Yeah, I'm running on the gay marriage, no religion, legalisation and taxation of marijuana platform! No, I don't have a chance! It's not what I do best."

Last week, appearing on Bill Maher's Real Time, Brad further elaborated on his non-existent platform by talking through his problem with organised religion, "I never wanted to stop anyone else's religion and their beliefs until I started seeing it defining policy.... Like gay marriage. You have a group of people telling other people how to live their lives, and you can't do that."

In fact, the issue of gay marriage has long been a hot topic for Brad and Angie, since they have always claimed that they will not marry until it's made legal for everyone else. Clearly, Brad knows who buys his calendars.

Of course, not everyone likes Brad's opinions. For instance, Cam Cannon (writing on BigHollywood.com) is indignant about what he calls 'atheist anti-religionistas'. He worries that atheists like Brad never mention the great work that religions do in the name of charity, and that they spend all their time trying to convert people to their way of thinking. Thankfully though, before the irony-meter implodes, he acknowledges the fact that people of faith are just as guilty, rendering his whole article somewhat pointless.

It's highly unlikely that Brad will ever change his mind and run for public office, which is a real shame. As well as denying us the chance to see an elected official in People Magazine's 'World's sexiest' list, there's always the risk that, as long as he refuses to turn his back on acting, he could make another film like Seven Years in Tibet or The Devil's Own. And that's a future that doesn't bear thinking about.