Saturday, 14 November 2009

Jesus loves her - it's a start

Carrie Prejean has been back in the news recently, promoting her rush-released autobiography that pitches her as a modern day Jeanne D'Arc, a heroic young woman persecuted for her faith. Carrie first thrust herself into the public consciousness when she inadvertently painted herself as the slutty poster child for the 'traditional marriage' movement in this year's Miss USA contest.

Carrie had originally been crowned Miss California, but lost her glittery title for alleged breach of contract. However, the perky pageant princess argued that she was being discriminated against on religious grounds and filed a libel suit against the contest organisers. Although she was happy to portray herself as the victimised innocent, Carrie was also quick to leverage her time in the spotlight into a semi-permanent media role as a spokesbimbo for the groups wishing to outlaw gay marriage.

Pageant officials weren't too happy about being sued by a woman whose funbags they'd paid for, especially one with all the likeability of Uday Hussein, so they countersued to recoup the costs of Carrie's augmented assets.

Last week the case was finally settled out-of-court, as it emerged that the pageant officials had a copy of a sex tape featuring the imbecilic ingenue. According to those who've seen it, and not jabbed their eyes out with knitting needles, the video features Carrie giving a solo performance that was intended for her boyfriend at the time. Reports suggest that there are also other 'materials produced by her in the same period that were similarly erotic in nature'.

Clearly, Carrie's adventures in auteurship don't do her 'holier-than-thou' reputation any favours, which explains why the lawsuit was dropped quicker than a blind juggler's balls. Still, Carrie has a book to plug, which explains why she appeared on Larry King Live holding up a copy of 'Still Standing' like a guest presenter on QVC.

Larry clearly hadn't read the handling notes that came with his guest, and made the mistake of interviewing her instead of simply turning the camera on and instructing her to sell hard. Carrie was so incensed by Larry's probing (her video proves that's something she prefers to do for herself) that she repeatedly called him "inappropriate" and attempted to unhook her microphone.

Sadly, she wasn't smart enough to realise that 'storming out' involves leaving one location and traveling to another. Instead, she sat at the interview desk smiling like a lunatic and pretending she couldn't hear Larry's questions.

But not all interviews are so unpleasant for the sanctimonious strumpet. She was much happier to be interrogated by the nice folks at Christianity Today, who asked how she reconciles her cosmetic surgery with her traditional beliefs. Her informed response: "I don't think there's anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it's a personal decision. I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants." Oddly enough, the Bible also made no mention of gay marriage, but that didn't stop Carrie using it to condemn the concept.

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