Monday, 13 July 2009

Here comes trouble...

It's been a long time coming, but it looks as though Amy Winehouse has finally turned a corner, straight into a hair salon. After eight months in St Lucia, where she has been busy recording her third album, getting herself clean and 'causing untold human suffering', she's looking healthier than she's been in years.

As well as putting on some much needed weight and having the worst of her wretched beehive hacked off, she's even discovered sleeves, meaning her arms look more like arms and less like the mischievously graffiti'd walls of a child's nursery.

She originally flew out to St Lucia before Christmas for a much needed holiday from her busy life as a tragic piece of performance art. But before too long she fell in love with the island and decided to stay. Her record label even stumped up the cash to allow her to record her new album there. In the meantime, she spent her time getting banned from various bars and hotels, and adopting a bunch of stray dogs.

Not everyone on St Lucia was delighted about La Winehouse's residency, with some people treating her stay more like a troublesome infestation. But with Rentokill unable to solve this particular problem, ex-government spokesperson Jeff Fedee decided to take matters into his own hand. Calling Amy a "tattooed reptile", he suggested that "She would be a menace... to St Lucian society, because the demons that inhabit her tortured body will still have to be fed." Which is probably a little extreme, given that Amy's worst crimes were drug-dependency and a propensity for appearing in loose denim cut-offs.

Hopefully this means Amy's put the worst of it behind her, and is finally strong enough to wrestle her sixties-throwback crown from the thatched head of the Welsh pretender to the throne. A new album would be nice too.

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