Nice work, if you can get it

Carrot-topped, fair-weather lesbian and one-time actress Lindsay Lohan has found herself a lucrative alternative career, simply by turning up to things.

Back in May she arrived in London, hot on the comfortable heels of her ex-galpal Samantha Ronson, and desperate for a reconciliation. For most mere mortals this might involve a heart-felt note, the occasional phone call or maybe even a relaxed lunch date.

Li-Lo had other ideas though, and decided that she needed to find a way of turning up at the places where Sam was likely to be. Keen to fly under the radar, Lindsay contacted the nightclubs where Sam was heading and negotiated high-profile paid appearances. That way she could turn up at a club, surprise her wayward ex with a cheeky mojito, and pocket a few grand simply for waving on a carpet.

It must have worked, because Lindsay seems to have made 'attendance' her primary revenue source. This week Lindsay celebrated her 23rd birthday early, with an all day party in Las Vegas that she hosted at the MGM Grand Resort Hotel & Casino. During the course of the day, Lindsay showcased five different outfits and danced to a Michael Jackson playlist. Nothing too unusual there, except for the fact that she was paid $70,000 for hosting the bash. I suppose the money must have helped cushion the blow that none of her actual friends bothered to show up. Maybe they all needed paying too.

The good news for Lindsay, other than the fact that she's managed to render herself utterly inconsequential and still be paid for the privilege, is that she's third time lucky. She'd originally planned to hold her 21st birthday at the Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, but that was put on hold when she was carted off to rehab. The following year, obviously stressed out by her busy calendar, she turned to a PR company to find corporate sponsorship for her party, but to no avail.

So hurrah for Lindsay, who's shown the world that chronic dependency issues, a fluid sexuality and the work ethic of a four-toed sloth can still bring in the big bucks. And let's also spare a thought for the nightclubs that have so little to distinguish themselves that booking the one-time star of Herbie:Fully Loaded seems like a good idea to raise their profile. As Tears for Fears once sang, it's a Mad World.