We demand a recount

An interesting development in the X-Factor camp today, as news emerged about plans for controversial contestant Laura White's debut single. Once fêted as the favourite to win, Laura caused a public outcry when she was shockingly voted off by the judges in the fifth week of the contest.

Such was the impact of the scratchy-voiced warbler's sudden departure, people rushed to accuse ITV of a 'conspiracy'. Adele, Lily Allen and Alesha Dixon all weighed in on the subject, speaking out in interviews and blogging about the injustice of it all.

Weirdly, the topic even made the Houses of Parliament as Culture Secretary Andy Burnham contradicted himself, saying "MPs should resist the temptation to comment on editorial matters although the temptation is great in my case, having seen the wonderful and talented Laura White very harshly voted off X Factor on Saturday."

Despite the fact that she had a thoroughly affected singing style and a voice that could worry livestock, she was the darling of fans of 'proper music'. These natural enemies of all things popular thought that she was an authentic artist, rather than a complicit pop puppet. No-one ever seemed to point out that she was simply rehashing the Amy/Duffy/Adele 'white girl soul sound' that was so very now... 12 months ago.

With the X-Factor excitement now a dim and distant memory, the contestants are starting to re-emerge from their recording studio hibernation to share the fruits of their labour. Schoolgirls' favourite Eoghan Quigg sadly fell at the first hurdle with an ear-raping album of wretched covers described by PopJustice founder Peter Robinson as the "worst album in the history of recorded sound".

So understandably the pressure's on to ensure that Laura doesn't follow in the dragging footsteps of little Eoghan's sneakers. And her management have come up with a fairly innovative idea to ensure that they can't be accused of screwing it up.

It was announced today that Laura's fans will be given the chance to decide on the song that she releases as her debut single. Having questioned whether she even wanted a career in music after her disappointing exit from the show, her mind was changed by the "immense amount of support" she received from fans. So now she's repaying the favour by allowing them to decide on what happens next with her career. Let's just hope that her loyal supporters actually bother to vote this time around.

Here comes trouble...

It's been a long time coming, but it looks as though Amy Winehouse has finally turned a corner, straight into a hair salon. After eight months in St Lucia, where she has been busy recording her third album, getting herself clean and 'causing untold human suffering', she's looking healthier than she's been in years.

As well as putting on some much needed weight and having the worst of her wretched beehive hacked off, she's even discovered sleeves, meaning her arms look more like arms and less like the mischievously graffiti'd walls of a child's nursery.

She originally flew out to St Lucia before Christmas for a much needed holiday from her busy life as a tragic piece of performance art. But before too long she fell in love with the island and decided to stay. Her record label even stumped up the cash to allow her to record her new album there. In the meantime, she spent her time getting banned from various bars and hotels, and adopting a bunch of stray dogs.

Not everyone on St Lucia was delighted about La Winehouse's residency, with some people treating her stay more like a troublesome infestation. But with Rentokill unable to solve this particular problem, ex-government spokesperson Jeff Fedee decided to take matters into his own hand. Calling Amy a "tattooed reptile", he suggested that "She would be a menace... to St Lucian society, because the demons that inhabit her tortured body will still have to be fed." Which is probably a little extreme, given that Amy's worst crimes were drug-dependency and a propensity for appearing in loose denim cut-offs.

Hopefully this means Amy's put the worst of it behind her, and is finally strong enough to wrestle her sixties-throwback crown from the thatched head of the Welsh pretender to the throne. A new album would be nice too.

On yer bike Duffy

Sighs of relief all round as the Advertising Standards Authority gives the recent Diet Coke ad the all clear. It turns out that 18 people, with nothing better to do than complain about the bits that pop up between pieces of Emmerdale, were concerned that musical Marmite Duffy took to her bicycle without high-vis clothing or a safety helmet.

Somehow, these ridiculous concerns were sufficient to warrant an investigation into whether or not the Welsh popstrel was encouraging irresponsible cycling. But it's not the first time the Diet Coke ad has been subjected to unnecessary scrutiny. Shortly after the ad first aired, a 'making of' mini-documentary popped up on YouTube, showing the creative minds behind the ad talking about their strategy.



Peeling back the Magnificent Oz's emerald curtain to reveal a bunch of high-minded creatives commiting the sin of Onan, this 'featurette' showcased phrases like 'reconnect with yourself' and 'tap into a female zeitgeist'.

Even more shamefully, Duffy pops up to ask herself "How did my relationship with Diet Coke come about?" Presumably, "Because they offered me a wedge of cash and I could teach minute steak a thing or two about being a flash-in-the-pan sensation" wasn't one of the options.

Interestingly, the ASA found that they "...considered the style and treatment of the ad... was unlikely to appeal to very young children...". Funnily enough, I can't imagine it appealing to anyone at all, especially if the public response is anything to go by.

I guess not everyone loves a singer who sounds like Fran Drescher after taking a hit on a helium balloon. But music tastes aside, I can't imagine anyone being too impressed by a singer who, according to this ad at least, turns her back on her fans mid-concert, to bugger off and do something else instead.