Poor me

Yesterday I wrote about the pressures faced by young performers who take to the stage in search of their fame and fortune. Questions have been asked (even at government level) whether these youngsters have the where-with-all to handle the pressure that comes with appearing on the nation's favourite talent shows.

But it would seem that the same questions need to be asked about the grown-ups who appear on these shows. There's a whole slew of them who, smelling the chance to raise their profile for a few more minutes, have crawled out of the woodwork to stick the knife in to Simon Cowell. It helps that Simon is already in the firing line, thanks to the British press refusing to accept any culpability for Susan Boyle's recent breakdown. Apparently, it was the unacceptable pressure of a Saturday night variety show that prompted her meltdown, and not the daily (and highly dubious) coverage of her every move on the front page of every tabloid.

Now here's Niki, Steve, Ben and the MacDonald brothers looking for a belated sympathy vote for the way they were treated by Simon and co. First up is Niki, who alleges that show producers forced her to grieve for her father publicly. There's no evidence for any of this, just the bitter rantings of someone who entered the competition fearful that this was her last chance to accomplish a career in music. If there was something objectionable or distasteful about the production crew's methods, she could always have quit. But that's the problem with fame - it's so enticing that people will happily surrender their morals and values in its pursuit. So there's no point complaining about it after the fact.

And what of Scotland's finest - the MacDonald Brothers. Their selective memories have clearly blanked out the fact that their performances were so terrible they almost insired the second Battle of Stirling Bridge. Despite the fact that Simon signed them and released their (reasonably successful) debut album, they're bitter that they didn't get a five album deal.

Ben Mills (long hair and the voice of a cruise ship Rod Stewart impersonator) acted like he was too good for the X-Factor. He spoke out recently claiming that his mentor Sharon Osbourne tried to force him into storming off the show to score some press coverage. Yet despite such a negative experience, Ben passed up a contract with Polydor to sign a five-album deal with Simon's label instead. Did he sign for the artistic integrity or the value of the deal I wonder...

But my favourite bitter ex-contestant featured in the Daily Mail's 'expose' is Damon Scott. He complains about missing out on a 'lucrative career on Cowell's record label', despite the fact that his act involved a dancing glove puppet called Bubbles the Chimpanzee. Damon's shocking conclusion? Simon's in this for the money. Clearly, Damon is in it for the art - which is why he's complaining about what he missed out on.

In the end, these are TV shows, not a sustainable method for sourcing long-term musical acts. Every once in a while, a genuinely remarkable talent will rise to the surface and capture people's imagination, but they're the exception to prove the rule:



The rest of the time, it's an interactive soap opera, full of drama, twists and the occasional villain. Those who take part must do so knowing that the best they can hope for is a flash of fame, a quick buck and maybe a one-off album recorded on the cheap. Anything more is a bonus. And when they complain about it, it just sounds like sour grapes, however good their pitch might be. Taking a pop at Simon Cowell is a little like Cinderella attacking her Fairy Godmother, because her new glass slippers weren't Louboutin.