Hot 100

Well, I never thought this day would come, but here we are at the 100th post on PopVulture. Thanks to everyone who’s visited, double thanks if you stuck around and read something. And if you came back more than once, then that Faustian pact I made with the Devil paid off after all.

In honour of this momentous landmark (seriously), I thought I’d take a tip from the magazines and do a roll call of the great and the good (not to mention the screamingly awful) who’ve graced these pages over the last 99 posts. Who knows, by the time I make it to 200, some of them may no longer be in our public consciousness. We can but hope. So here (in order of appearance) are the hundred names who’ve been cruelly picked at by PopVulture:

1) Jason Voorhees – hockey mask-wearing teenage euthanizer
2) Pet Shop Boys – miserablist electropop duo
3) Velvet – trashy Swedish pop tart
4) Jonathan Fagerlund – four bookends short of a boyband
5) Alcazar – Hi-NRG ABBA-aping threesome
6) Malena Ernman – Village of the Damned opera diva
7) John Segeant – lumpen-faced Jo Brand impersonator
8) Todd Carty – Walford’s village idiot
9) Colleen Nolan – dignity-dodging girlband relic
10) Eoghan Quigg – X-Factor’s favourite mistake
11) Seth Godin – Marketing blogger and inbox worrier
12) Michelle Bass – hard faced soft porner
13) Sting – Olympic sexing tree-saver
14) Sarah McLachlan – Canada’s least-prolific warbler
15) Sonia – Perma-grinning scouse ginger belter
16) Pete Hammond – Eighties-defining knob-twiddler
17) Alphabeat – Danish S-Club wannabes
18) Michael Caine – Cockney wheezer
19) Ruth Badger – Bolshie brummie bulldog
20) Michelle Dewbury - Apprentice-winning loser
21) Sir Alan Sugar – shouty face painted onto a Weetabix
22) Natasha Richardson – Sonny Bono’s successor
23) Jade Goody – motor-mouthed, empty-headed tragicomic victim
24) Max Clifford – cancer-leveraging moral vacuum
25) John Travolta – scientology-touting alleged heterosexual
26) Chris Moyles – salad-dodging loudmouth with obese ego
27) Christopher Biggins – Pantomime shame
28) Jim Davidson – wife-beating tax-dodging laughter repellent
29) Mr.T – tasteless fool-pitying oven flogger
30) Peter Greenaway – nudity loving surrealist Mail-worrier
31) Craig Philips – MDF-hammering brain donor
32) Russell Brand – Granddaughter humping phone pest
33) Evan Davies – cock-pierced stater of the obvious
34) Chantelle Houghton – zeppelin-chested shell in search of a soul
35) Preston – Ordinary boy made good
36) Prince William – long-faced baldie
37) Madonna – wrinkly-handed baby grabber
38) Josh Freese – sales-incentivising drummer
39) Dr Ted Baehr – fact-fumbling moral guardian
40) Katie Price – mess
41) Rhydian – dead-eyed tune-bellowing smugster
42) Dannii Minogue – frozen-faced second stringer
43) Joseph Fritzl – home improvement enthusiast
44) Britney Spears – car crash fanny flash trailer trash
45) Anne Diamond – lacking lustre
46) Adam Rickitt – gay baiting soap scum
47) Amanda Holden – clap-happy slapper
48) Andrew Lloyd Webber – phantom of the musicals
49) Jay Brannan – underappreciated and over-exposed
50) Geri Halliwell – carrot-topped tune-killer
51) Michael Parkinson – fame-fawning fossil
52) Adam Lambert – Idol-losing rock screecher
53) Bill O’Reilly – fact-fudging psychopath
54) Lindsay Lohan – perpetual part-timer
55) Samantha Ronson – who’s a pretty boy?
56) Susan Boyle – epic fail
57) Ant & Dec – balding cruet set
58) Ashton Kutcher – Tweeting toyboy
59) Daily Mail Reporter – anonymous tag hiding a multitude of sins
60) Nadja Benaissa – risky business
61) Miley Cyrus – gum-heavy herald of Armageddon
62) Simon Cowell – creating judge dread both sides of the pond
63) John Barrowman – jazz-handed and cock-hungry
64) Zac Efron – Ken doll come to life
65) Robert Pattinson – Stephen Fry in a funhouse mirror
66) Catherine Hardwicke – virginity-valuing hack
67) Chuck DeVore – Worst. Satirist. Ever
68) ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic – MTV legend and accordion player
69) Carrie Prejean – gay-hating hypocrite
70) Perez Hilton – petulant fame-whore
71) Jenna Jameson – head for business, bod for sin
72) Jack Tweedy – golf-swinging cabbie-basher
73) Leon Jackson – this Bublé’s gone flat
74) Bea Arthur – deep-throated comedy rectangle
75) Kerry Katona – nuclear meltdown
76) Mark Croft – cash-grabbing knuckle-dragger
77) Catherine Zeta Jones – helping the aged
78) Mia Farrow – hunger-striking perm victim
79) Michele Bachmann – Minnesotan McCarthyist
80) Christian Bale – self-absorbed strop-thrower
81) Michael Jackson – coming undone
82) Jessica Biel – pretty, average
83) Kiefer Sutherland – shark-jumping Torquemada
84) Nigel Lythgoe – talent show Leatherface
85) Liz Hurley – always someone’s ‘better half’
86) Chuck Norris – born again beefcake
87) Mel Gibson – anti-semitic babymaker
88) Sharon Stone – karma’s bitch
89) Marie Osmond – the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth
90) Sacha Baron Cohen – teabagging controversy magnet
91) Danny LaRue – dude looks like a lady
92) Speidi – Celebrities, get them out of here
93) Davina McCall – you make me wanna shout
94) Angelina Jolie – home-wrecking lip service
95) Hollie Steel – tutu-twirling tearjerker
96) Cheeky Girls – nightmare in stereo
97) Megan Fox – bendy, underdressed quote-maker
98) Dustin Lance Black – got Milked, and we all saw it
99) Sarah Palin – gun-toting, child exploiting laughing stock
100) Duffy – straw-haired valleys-girl