If this is reality, I'll take the Matrix

It's worth remembering, the day before we launch into a tenth series of Big Brother, that it was actually MTV that first pioneered the notion of the augmented reality documentary series. Originally broadcast in 1992, The Real World brought seven or eight housemates together and then sat back and filmed the fireworks. Interestingly, when the show was originally pitched, there were talks of it being a scripted documentary - real strangers, real people, but pre-prepared story and character arcs for them to play out. The idea was scrapped and the rest is TV history.

Flash forward eight years, and suddenly The Real World felt a little passe. We were all too busy watching the adventures of a crooked banker, a scouse handyman and a lesbian nun. Suddenly, Big Brother was the one to beat and although The Real World kept on ticking (22 seasons in it's still going strong) it lost some of its dynamism.

So we should hardly be surprised that MTV reverted to that original idea of a scripted, staged and meticulously cast 'reality-based' show. The Hills debuted in 2006, and portrayed the adventures of four rich, beautiful twenty-somethings finding their way in Los Angeles. To most people 'finding one's way' means flat-hunting, job interviews and the occasional date. On 'The Hills' it means leaked sex tapes, poorly-received fashion lines and naked picnics with Playboy playmates. The dialogue makes you long for the Brechtian sophistication of Beverly Hills 90210 and its characters display all the appeal of an angry baboon in a sack. Still, the viewers seem to like it, and its stars have been elevated to household names.

Perhaps the most famous are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the on-off-on-off couple who recently married. They're currently languishing in a Costa Rican hotel, having walked out of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here' on its second day.

Still, the 48 hours they spent in the camp were eventful enough, with Spencer volunteering to be baptised by runt-of-the-Baldwin-litter Stephen and Heidi declaring "My goal is to be a true disciple of Jesus, a Mother Teresa helping the poor and the hungry." Funnily enough, I believe Mother Teresa laid down the original demo vocals for Heidi's single 'Overdosin'. Unfortunately for viewers and masochists alike, Spencer and Heidi found it all a bit too much, and decided to leave, claiming "Super-celebrities don't belong in the jungle. They belong in Hollywood with the paparazzi."

Having already threatened to quit twice during the first day in the camp, the doltish duo finally left the show, only for Spencer to take to Twitter 24 hours later, claiming "I am praying to Jesus to have NBC forgive me and allow Speidi back! The jungle makes you do crazy things." Aside from the fact that deities have busy day jobs and probably aren't too concerned with who's drinking intestine milkshakes on a bush-tucker trial, I'm more concerned with the fact that Pratt feels perfectly comfortable referring to himself and his wife in the third person singular.

My 'Speidi' sense is tingling, I think I'm going to be sick. And I haven't even had to eat any jungle critters...