Just days to go now, before we all get to feel a little better about ourselves. Sir Alan Sugar and his comedy sidekicks (like Phil and Kirsty in 30 years' time) are back with a new collection of pinstriped pricks to pick apart.If you've ever questioned whether you're any good at the job you do, five minutes of The Apprentice will make you feel like Donald Trump should be polishing your shoes.
I often get accused of overusing cliches (if I've heard it once I've heard it a million times) but the scowl-faced muppets on this show make it an artform. Work hard play hard, not here to be liked, use it or lose it. It's all here and then some.
I've yet to see an episode where anyone displays any actual talent in their professional field. OK, I'll concede that Ruth Badger had a certain rough-edged set of sales skills, but if a butch Brummy bruiser started bellowing at me, I'd probably buy a car too. I've also yet to have a 'favourite' contestant in a final. The closest I've ever come to that is having someone that I would least hate to win. And that was Michelle Dewberry, who fucked it up nanoseconds after winning by getting pregant with the nauseatingly idiotic Syed.
Last year's stand out star was the impossibly posh Raef, who could give the Royal family lessons in haughty superiority. We were also spoiled for comedy lookalikes, so much so that we didn't learn anyone's name until about the eighth episode.
Even though the BBC didn't invent the format, they have to be applauded for their exceptional casting department, their aerial photography and the voiceover guy who does an admirable job of keeping a straight face when talking about Sralan's formidable business empire. I wonder if they'll still be using those ridiculous Amstrad email phones this year?
To get you in the mood for 2009's Best Bullshit Bingo players, here's the BBC's highlights from last year:
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