There's no 'me' in mea culpa

So, that's the midterms out of the way then. Not so good for the Democratic party, but then again, midterms are never easy. And at least the tea-partiers didn't notch up too many seats. 

Nonetheless, Obama will be drowning his sorrows today, and perhaps even wondering how his predecessors dealt with the disappointment. But it's important that he not lose too much of that hope that he talked up on his route to the White House. Because as underwhelming as his first couple of years have been, he's still not quite the flaming-schoolbus-full-of-screaming-orphans level of disaster that George W Bush was. 

Although, it's funny - the rest of the world might remember Dubya as the worst president the world has ever known, but his own reflections on his time in Washington are decidedly more favourable. 

This week W was interviewed by Matt Lauer in order to plug his forthcoming book 'Decision Points', and he finally admitted the lowest point of his eight years in office. Despite having 96 months of gaffes, cock-ups and blunders to choose from, Bush cited Kanye West's post-Katrina attack on him as the nadir of his presidency. 

So not the illegal war on Iraq. Or the deception around the weapons of mass destruction. Or giving his tacit approval to torture as an interrogation technique. Or declaring 'Mission: Accomplished' about seven years too early. Or promising to leave 'No Child Behind', then doing precisely that for an entire generation. Or turning his back on the Kyoto Protocol. Or choosing not to get his hands dirty in New Orleans. Or blocking stem cell research. Or approving wiretapping tactics. Or giving all those lucrative reconstruction contracts to his friends at Halliburton. 

When it comes to reflecting on his presidency, George Bush's darkest memory is of the moment that he felt like Taylor Swift, standing in the spotlight as Kanye West shot his mouth off.  

Cast your mind back to the moment when Mike Myers rocked uncomfortably on his heels during the 2005 Concert for Hurricane Relief, as Kanye declared that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

1,836 people may have lost their lives in the hurricane and the floods which followed, and $81 billion of damage was caused. But it's George who's still bearing the scars: “Five years later I can barely write those words without feeling disgust... the suggestion that I was racist because of the response to Katrina represented an all-time low.”

Doesn't your heart just bleed? 

Fashion rocks

Break open the Hennessy and pour yourself a large one, Kanye is back where he belongs - gobbling up column inches thanks to some pretty bizarre public appearances.

After another difficult week, when he was rumoured to have been banned from appearing on George Clooney's Haiti benefit telethon, the egomaniacal eejit is once again on everyone's mind. And he didn't even have to storm a stage to do it.

Instead, he's been out and about with his freaky space-alien girlfriend Amber Rose. You know who I mean - tall, exotic, dress sense that makes Grace Jones look like Hillary Clinton.

Making the most of their time at Paris Fashion Week, Kan-Ber have been seen at every party in town, with Amber sporting an array of outfits so bizarre that even Lady GaGa would think twice before appearing in public.

Last week, the two of them headed out in full length fur coats, making them look like refugees from a Maurice Sendak book. The People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA to their friends) took exception to this, with VP Dan Mathews stating, "Kanye can't help making himself look like an idiot, whether at an awards show or a fashion show. He and his girlfriend look like pathetic creatures from a shabby roadside zoo."

If Dan thought the coats made them look like idiots, he must have been laughing into his soya latte when he saw Amber's next outfit - a high-vis jacket covered in unhatched Mogwai.

Thankfully though, they saved the best for last. Arriving at the Chanel Spring-Summer 2010 this morning, Kanye settled for a conservative (if rather naff) velvet smoker's jacket, whereas Amber decided on a hooded, gold knitted dress that gave her the appearance of a giant, sparkly dildo.

But credit where credit's due - I take my hat off to anyone who can keep a straight face with that on their arm.

That was the year that was

Ordinarily, a year-end review is best saved for the end of the year. It's right there in the name. But we're already half way through December, and New Year is looming on the horizon like the threat of another glut of weight-loss DVDs starring ex-EastEnders.

So in honour of the great and the good (and the eye-scratchingly awful) who have made this blog the awesome cultural barometer that it is, here's a video I found that summarises the year that was 2009. It's a parade of shame that calls upon a number of this year's most notorious alumni, including Jon and Kate Gosselin, Nadya Suleman, Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Barack Obama, Kanye West and Taylor Swift, Lady GaGa, Christian Bale and Twitter.

Best of all, it's been edited to show off the magic of Auto-Tune, a piece of software that makes the Calrec SoundField Microphone seem like yesterday's old news. When you're using Auto-Tune, even the most mundane conversation can be transformed into a melodic chorus. JLS are big fans.

Anyway, here's 2009 in review. See how much you remember, and don't forget - you saw it here first (apparently Viacom are closing this down, so be quick).



This Year in Auto-Tune 2009 - Watch more Funny Videos

How Roux'd

We live in a fast moving world of instant gratification. News pages are updated by the minute, we download albums before they're even released, and sites like Twitter allows us to describe our ablutions in real-time.

The world of celebrity is equally instantaneous. For instance, 16 year-old pop tart Miley Cyrus is already putting the finishing touches to her seventh album, whilst other stars are having their autobiographies ghost-written before they even lose their milk teeth. But the most worrying example of fame's quickening pace, is the fact that some artists, whose careers have all the established maturity of skimmed milk, feel comfortable critiquing their fellow performers.

Current flavour-of-the-month (and owner of the most worrying quiff outside of a Flock of Seagulls tribute act) La Roux took an unnecessary pop at Taylor Swift this week, despite the fact that her debut album is still listed under 'New Releases' on iTunes.

Speaking to Radio 1, the humourless eighties-throwback weighed in with her thoughts on the Kanye West debacle, saying "I think you should never go and ruin someone's moment like that, whether you feel they deserve it or not." Which is all well and good, but then she decided to continue with her theme:

"I do think people should stand up more against rubbish music and people should say, 'No, sorry this isn't that good'. It's not. Taylor Swift's music isn't good, it's manufactured princess pop, we've got enough of it, let's have something else."

Unfortunately, no-one in the studio bothered to point out that such a critique was rich coming from someone whose entire 'sound' could have been fished out of Vince Clarke's garbage, circa 1983.

If Elly Jackson (La Roux's actual name) knew what she was talking about, she might have picked up on the fact that Taylor is actually an accomplished country singer-songwriter. She might also have discovered that in January of this year, Taylor became the first country artist to sell over 2 million downloads of three different songs, all of which were self-penned. When it comes to musical tastes, notions of good and bad become redundant.

The great thing about music, is that it's a broad enough field to offer something for everyone. It's like a hypothetical question with no right or wrong answers. So the moment anyone, especially an artist, closes themselves off to other genres, or criticises them as inferior, they show a lack of respect for the artform they claim to love.

She may only be 19, but Taylor Swift has shown commendable maturity and grace this week. It's just a shame that her pasty-faced (and infinitely more 'worthy') critic is incapable of doing the same.

Big mouth strikes again

We've all nursed sore heads after a night on the sauce, but Kanye West will have been suffering the mother of all hangovers today after his adventures at yesterday's MTV Music Video Awards. Not only did he spend most of the evening swigging from a huge bottle of Hennessy cognac and posing with his otherworldly girlfriend Amber Rose, he got a little carried away during the awards show and was unceremoniously kicked out of Radio City Music Hall where the show was being held.

Three years ago, Kanye revealed an ego so big that it emits a beeping sound when he walks backward, by jumping onstage at the MTV Europe awards to protest losing out in the Best Video category. This time however, his outrage came in the form of misguided solidarity for the most famous ass in showbusiness, Beyonce Knowles.

As the winner of Best Female Video was announced, a shocked Taylor Swift took to the stage to claim her award and give her gushing acceptance speech. The 19 year-old country star, described by the New York Times as "one of pop's finest songwriters" never got past her first couple of lines though, since she was promptly joined on-stage by a well-lubricated Kayne, who took Taylor's microphone and decided to share his thoughts about the award.

In Kanye's 'humble' opinion, Beyonce deserved the award for Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) since it was, he felt, one of the best videos ever made. Taylor stood to the side, looking like she was going to cry or throw up, then calmly took back the microphone once Kanye was done. Sitting in the audience, Beyonce just looked like she wanted to put a ring on it, and slap him with it.

Thankfully, Beyonce showed extraordinary grace when accepting her own (well deserved) award for Best Video later in the evening, and invited Taylor back on stage to have a second stab at her 'thank you' speech. Taylor may have shed some teardrops on her guitar backstage, but she was smiling through her luminous veneers when called out by her 'hero' to belatedly enjoy her moment in the spotlight.

Other music stars, happy for once to be innocent bystanders, have all weighed in on the controversy, with Katy Perry, P!nk and Kelly Clarkson all voicing their disgust. Meanwhile, Kanye issued a punctuation-heavy statement on his blog today, saying "I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw. Welcome to the real world!!! Everybody wanna boo me but I'm a fan of real pop culture! No disrespect but we watchin' the show at the crib right now cause...well you know!!! I'm still happy for Taylor!!! Boooyaaawwww!!!! You are very very talented... I'm not crazy yall, I'm just real. Sorry for that! I really feel bad for Taylor and I'm sincerely sorry!!! Much respect!!!"

In fact, the only person willing to step in and defend Kanye, was returning host Russell Brand, himself no stranger to VMA controversy after slating George Bush and the Jonas Brothers last time. Maybe he was just relieved that someone else was taking the heat this time around.

Despite Kanye's objectionable behaviour and ill-judged attempt at hogging the limelight, you have to admit that he had a point about the 'Single Ladies' film clip. After all, only truly exceptional videos can work just as well when muted. Or redubbed with a hideous novelty record...