Let's hear it for the boyz

As JLS get ready to release their third single (despite it feeling like they've been around since 1997), it's worth sparing a thought for some of the other boybands who are still diligently beavering away, but without the benefit of rock-hard abs to help them shift units.

First up is Boyzone, a group so resolutely unthreatening they could have replaced their last CD insert with a knitting pattern. They've had a tough few months since the death of little Stephen Gately, and have won the hearts of the nation by being unafraid to publicly grieve for their fallen comrade. But when you're in the middle of a big comeback, the work doesn't stop, so the lads are bravely soldiering on.

Their new single, 'Gave It All Away', received its first airplay last week and somewhat hauntingly features Stephen's last recorded vocals as he sings the line "I will learn to live before I die". Just in case that isn't enough to get you reaching for the tissues, the video shows the remaining foursome remembering their impish pal and struggling to write notes of condolence.

The problem is, their grief is a little too real, too palpable. When we're so used to seeing moments of faux emotion and crocodile tears, there's something deeply unnerving about seeing four grown men sobbing so hard they can barely concentrate on their close-up.

No-one can deny that they're really feeling Stephen's loss. Still, it's a little weird that they're willing to share their pain so publicly in what amounts to little more than a three-minute ad for their new product.

Westlife have also been in the news lately, creating a different kind of media fuss by running the risk of giving their fans seizures. Back in the sixties, boybands regularly knocked out hundreds of women at a time, like they were bystanders in a Pepé Le Pew cartoon. But whereas the Beatles could anaesthetise half of Wembley thanks to their raw, edgy virility, the danger posed by Westlife is more of a standard health and saftey concern.

According to complaints logged with Ofcom, the X-Factor "broke broadcasting regulations with the Irish boyband's lights display because it could potentially have triggered epileptic seizures in viewers. A light effect was used five times faster that the safe recommended level. Three viewers complained to Ofcom about the flashing images used on the show."

It's not known how many people complained to Ofcom regarding everything else about their performance.

Showing them how it's done

JLS and Alexandra Burke are here to do a weird mash-up of their big singles. Alex is singing live this time - so it sounds very different to the last time she performed in the guest slot. It's a very strange duet but it sort of works, in a "we figured this out in our bedroom this afternoon" kind of way.

The boys really don't have strong voices at all, but they look so happy to be pop stars with ridiculously large boots that it's hard to begrudge them their success. Alex kept thumping Aston's chest with her fist a little too vigorously, he looked like he was ready to slap her back. They're all being so nice to each other, it's quite sweet. They're hoping for even more success next year, so let's keep our fingers crossed that Pete Waterman's predictions of pan-flashery don't come true.

To remind everyone what can happen when you're genuinely incredible, here's Leona Lewis doing her epic version of Stop Crying Your Heart Out. She's spending a long time in her low register, but she's gonna rip it up in a minute, so hang onto your hat. If you're wearing a hat that is. The background VT of the girls rushing to embrace Dannii has been cropped to remove Rachel's hilarious pratfall. Shame.

Her song's finished but they're leaving her standing on the coffee table - probably just as well. She's fantastic at the singing but I think we've all heard her say "It's been amazing, thank you so much" enough to last a lifetime. Simon gave her the thumbs up, as if to say "That'll shift another 50,000". Which is his way of showing he cares.

Olly's here to sing The Climb and it sounds shaky - it doesn't help that the song is a Miley Cyrus album track, and therefore about as low as music gets. I don't think Leonard Cohen wrote this one. Simon's giving it a bit of face-palm. Is he genuinely worried or faking out the audience? Nice addition of some clanging Christmas bells deep in the mix, to remind people that they're going to be hearing this right through the festive period.

That was the year that was

Ordinarily, a year-end review is best saved for the end of the year. It's right there in the name. But we're already half way through December, and New Year is looming on the horizon like the threat of another glut of weight-loss DVDs starring ex-EastEnders.

So in honour of the great and the good (and the eye-scratchingly awful) who have made this blog the awesome cultural barometer that it is, here's a video I found that summarises the year that was 2009. It's a parade of shame that calls upon a number of this year's most notorious alumni, including Jon and Kate Gosselin, Nadya Suleman, Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Barack Obama, Kanye West and Taylor Swift, Lady GaGa, Christian Bale and Twitter.

Best of all, it's been edited to show off the magic of Auto-Tune, a piece of software that makes the Calrec SoundField Microphone seem like yesterday's old news. When you're using Auto-Tune, even the most mundane conversation can be transformed into a melodic chorus. JLS are big fans.

Anyway, here's 2009 in review. See how much you remember, and don't forget - you saw it here first (apparently Viacom are closing this down, so be quick).



This Year in Auto-Tune 2009 - Watch more Funny Videos