With over half a billion users around the world, Facebook is now the default social network for most of us, allowing us to catch-up with friends, manage imaginary livestock and explain potentially offensive internet memes to well-intentioned but naive parents. However, the area where Facebook has really come into its own, is in turning even the most well-balanced and stable people into potential stalkers.
Gone are the days when you needed a four-page spread in Vanity Fair to qualify for an army of obsessive fans - now all it takes is a regularly updated wall and an accessible photo library. Thanks to recent additions to the site's functionality, we can even keep our obsessive followers up-to-date on our exact whereabouts. Because this brave new world of stalkerdom depends on the implicit cooperation of the subject.
As nice as it may feel to have dedicated followers, we all have to draw the line somewhere. And besides, Facebook's restrictions on photo content means that we're only allowed to expose the minutiae of our lives, rather than that unfortunately positioned appendectomy scar. But all that's about to change, and we don't necessarily get a say in the matter.
Remember the good old days when a search for pictures of our favourite celebrities would return a goldmine of unconvincing nude fakes? We've all seen them - famous heads crudely photoshopped onto the bodies of anonymous porn stars. With little concern for scale or perspective, most of the images managed to make the world's sexiest people look like they were suffering from hydrocephalus.
Well, good news everybody. Now, you no longer need a functioning grasp of image manipulation software to picture that girl from accounts in flagrante. Just grab a profile pic from her Facebook profile and let FalseFlesh do the rest.
According to the official website, "In most cases only a few millimeters of fabric separates you from an amazing but previously unobtainable image. FalseFlesh can elegantly eliminate clothing from any photograph and provide you with natural looking nude flesh." Is it just me or is 'natural looking nude flesh' the least erotic proposition you've ever heard? Somewhere, Hannibal Lecter is rooting around in his pantry for the fava beans.
If you're wondering how it works, you probably need to talk through your issues with a counsellor. But just in case your interest is purely academic, "The software not only gives you the option to accurately fit included nude bodies on any head, but also allows you to really see under some types of clothing! This works on non cotton bathing suits by filtering out gamma/infrared rays of light and allows for the visual enhancement of breasts and nipples creating a see through effect. Imagine being able to copy/paste pictures from Facebook or MySpace of girls you actually know into FalseFlesh." Well, it'll have to do until Amazon restocks those night-vision binoculars.
Unfortunately, even fantasies have their shortcomings, so you'll be pleased to know that "FalseFlesh also allows you to modify other physical attributes of the subject such as clothing style and even body type." That means that guys with a breast fixation can reward their imaginary girlfriends with tits that would give Dwayne Johnson backache. And any Gok Wannabes can treat the women in their lives to a more flattering ensemble.
If you're not already thinking about deactivating your Facebook account, take a look at the stories submitted by satisfied customers: “The really cool thing that I liked about FalseFlesh was that you can either let the software instantly make some cute girl that you know naked or actually take time to customize it. For example I wanted to make this girl who works with me have bigger breasts than she actually did and also give her a lot more pubic hair than she actually probably really has.” Surely it's just a matter of time before some some canny programmer invents a 'restraining order' app for the iPhone.
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