Think before you ink

OK, so I'm a coward. I really like the idea of a tattoo, but anything that involves scar tissue and scabs instantly becomes about as appealing as giving Rosie O'Donnell a bed-bath. Aside from the pain involved, alternatively described by friends as "like being scratched by a kitten" or "excruciating agony", there's also the issue of what image to choose.

They say we should live our lives without regret, but I wonder whether the people who chose to adorn their biceps with Beavis and Butthead back in the 1990s can still hold their heads up high. There's a good reason why tattoo artists refuse to ink the inebriated - buyer's remorse is usually too little too late when it comes to body adornments.

One man seemingly untroubled by such weighty considerations, is Wayne Page, who wanted to demonstrate his fealty to everyone's least favourite high street chain. Rather than a dragon, or a flower, Wayne decided that "I Love Argos" was the epithet he wanted permanently inscribed on his calf. He even had the logo carefully reproduced, so no-one would mistakenly think he was a fan of Greek mythology.

It's certainly a strange choice for a tattoo, especially since Argos is about as aspirational as a partially defrosted Iceland Black Forest gateau. And yet the company remains inexplicably recession-proof, as people are still willing to endure a pointlessly protracted purchasing process in order to buy a new toaster.

Simply flick through the laminated catalogue, choose your item, run a quick stock check, write down the order number (ooh, free pencil), take your form to the till, pay for your purchase, take a number, sit in the waiting area, then exchange your proof of purchase for your item once it emerges from the stockroom. It's so much easier than just going to a fucking shop.

Anyway, Wayne is proud to have worked for the high street chain for sixteen years, and was keen to motivate his fellow employees to help their branch improve its fundraising record. So far, all he's managed to do is singlehandedly replace "Mum" and "LOVEHATE" as the world's least desirable skin art.

Despite his wife's objections, Wayne is proud of his new look, saying "There are far worse tattoos that I could have." But aside from a swastika or a nude picture of Dick Cheney, I can't imagine there's an extensive list. Telling his story to the PR agency which presumably seeded the story in today's tabloids, he explained: "I need to do something out of the ordinary. Out of the blue, I said 'I will have 'I love Argos' tattooed on to my leg - nobody in the company will have one of those." Wayne, there's a good reason for that.