Thursday, 31 March 2011

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you will be...

We've all done it. Imagined how we'd compose our resignation letter the day our six numbers come up on the Lotto. Of course, the papers love to feature those occasional stories of some down-trodden toilet cleaner who hangs on to her minimum wage job even after scooping £8 million on a Saturday night. But for most of us, that pink and white ticket definitely represents a one-way trip. 

So spare a thought for the guy in Albany, New York, who opted out of the office lottery pool because he wasn't feeling as though fortune was smiling at him. Maybe his IT background meant that he'd analysed the one-in-176-million odds of winning and figured it wasn't worth a punt. Sadly, he's going to be lunching at a table for one from now on, as seven of his colleagues at the Homes and Community Renewal Agency scooped a $319 million jackpot. Well, he was right about something.

No-one's come forward from the winning team yet to discuss their incredible windfall, or the worst office decision since "Bring Your Nunchuks To Work Day". Instead, news teams have had to settle for interviewing a couple who run the local deli and claim to know the 'geek squad' with the magic numbers.

Jill Cook told the New York Post, "The word is that when they were going around the office asking who wanted in on the pool, one guy said no, that he wasn't feeling lucky. They asked him twice. They said, 'Are you sure?' and he said yeah, he was going to pass this time. I feel horrible for him." Still, at least that's one pastrami sandwich sale that they get to make every day. 

No-one will be too surprised to learn that the winning workers didn't show up for work on Monday, although none of them have yet formally resigned their position. But I'm prepared to bet a Lucky Dip on Friday's Euromillions, that a cardboard box full of feces is being FedExed from the Cayman Islands as we speak. 

Word on the street suggests that, once the glitter has settled, the newly minted millionaires will only be returning to the office "to pass along unfinished business to colleagues". Maybe a muffin basket for their ex-workmates will help to sweeten the pill. 

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