Sunday, 29 August 2010

A most unHappy Meal

It's time to update those apocryphal stories about life after a nuclear armageddon. For years, people having been saying that when someone finally presses the big red button, the only things left on Earth will be cockroaches, Twinkies and possibly Jodie Marsh.

But New York artist Sally Davies has evidence that the cockroaches might be able to tuck into more than just sugary snack cakes in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Because there'll be plenty of McDonalds Happy Meals for them to enjoy.

Having worked in McDonalds during my student years (only slightly preferable to hand-washing bed-linen in a whorehouse), I know how fastidious the management can be about product freshness. Even now - when I'm feeling mischievous - I'll go into a McDonalds, order a thick shake and say loudly "I think they need to check the syrup calibration." Then I watch as the Duty Manager panics that I might be from head office, and races down the line tipping every single hot item into the bin. Ahhh, good times.

So, having seen Sally's new art project, I'm wondering why they bother. Sure, they can promise that nothing is ever more than about eight minutes old, but does it really matter? If the food had been sitting there longer than that, would anyone really be able to tell?

Not according to Sally, who bought a kids' Happy Meal on April 10th. She decided to watch what would happen as the food deteriorated, documenting its gradual decomposition with her camera.

Problem is, it didn't. In fact, four months later, the meal looked slightly more appetising than it had at the beginning.

We've all heard tales of people who've gone for a colonic and marvelled as the bold clinic employee sifted through their partially digested detritus. Legend has it that a colon cleanse can unearth bits of food that have been sitting silently in your bowels for half a decade.

Presumably, this means that each of us is carrying around enough undigested McGarbage to cater a children's party (ice cream and cake is extra). Give it a quick rinse and it's as good as new.

Now, do you really want fries with that?


  1. I hope that it has been long enough since my McD's (unknown number of years) that this crap has passed completely out of my system. Sadly, I would bet there are still a few bits rumbling around in there.

  2. Probably part of the box and a couple of Willow-era collectible toys too!

  3. Right, really should think of something that adds to the discussion, but really, all I can think of is that favourite American expression, "EWWW! GROSS!"