The sliding scale of gay

Some people are never happy. After years spent bemoaning the lack of out gay pop stars, we finally get one and all anyone can do is bitch about it. 

Tomorrow sees the release of 'For Your Entertainment', the long-awaited debut CD by American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert. In the build up to the album's proud unveiling, Adam's guy-lined face has been everywhere in the US, including the cover of Out Magazine as part of their 'Class of 2009'. 

But although they were happy to help maintain Adam's profile with a front-cover portrait, the editor of Out had a bone to pick with the fledgling star's management. Writing an open letter to Adam, Editor in Chief Aaron Hicklin expresses dismay that Adam's record label and management are limiting his self-expression.

Writing about Adam's appearance on the cover alongside Cyndi Lauper (amongst others), Hicklin comments "It’s only because this cover is a group shot that includes a straight woman that your team would allow you to be photographed at all—albeit with the caveat that we must avoid making you look 'too gay'."

To show that there's no ill-will towards Adam himself, Hicklin congratulates him on being "a pioneer, an out gay pop idol at the start of his career", but cautions that "we just hope it’s a path that’s honest and true and that you choose to surround yourself with people who celebrate your individuality." It's all so well-meaning that it gives you a case of the warm fuzzies. 

Except that there's a fundamental flaw in Hicklin's logic. After all, Adam's first big post-Idol interview was a cover story with Rolling Stone where he publicly declared his sexuality. Given that 19 Management will have been the ones who lined up that exclusive, they can hardly be accused of downplaying their new star's sexuality.

And then there's the album cover itself. 

When it was first revealed a couple of months ago, the internet practically imploded as commentators rushed to condemn the airbrushed abomination as the gayest thing in the entire world. Not only does it seem to have been painted directly onto crushed velvet, Adam looks as though he'd be right at home hosting bingo night in the Black Cap. There's so much early eighties androgyny on show here, even Pete Burns would think twice before putting his name to it. 

If Adam's management are concerned that he not look "too gay" in Out Magazine, they must have been asleep on the job when this beauty got the all-clear. But then again, what does "too gay" even mean? Similarly, would Hicklin and his team have preferred Adam to look more gay on the cover of their magazine? Perhaps they were hoping that he'd recreate a classic Mapplethorpe (NSFW!).

When it comes to sexuality, there's no such thing as too much or not enough. It simply is what it is. Adam's openness and unapologetic attitude is exactly what the music world needs. It shouldn't matter whether he's wearing a three-piece suit or Cher's hand-me-downs. 

Hicklin complains of an 'apartheid' that separates gay magazines from more mainstream media, but what about the prejudice that a gay artist should constantly have to wear their sexuality on their immaculately-tailored unisex sleeve?

Paying lip service

Pete Burns must be breaking out the bubbly tonight, having been awarded a £450,000 out-of-court settlement from the plastic surgeon who 'ruined his career and life'. The eighties pop icon has spent the last two years battling for compensation for the botched lip implants that blighted his face, and now it seems that justice has finally been done.

Despite being the dictionary definition of a one-hit wonder, Pete has managed to sustain an improbably high profile for the last quarter of a century, thanks to his willingness to court controversy and inspire outrage. Inexplicably combining the feminine glamour of a page three girl with the voice of an angry scouse dockworker, he's able to shock and entertain in equal measure.

His appearance on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006 introduced the foul-mouthed antagonist to a whole new generation of onlookers ('fans' would be stretching the point somewhat) who watched him bully, bellow and belittle his fellow housemates. He regularly attacked former Baywatch performer (again, 'actress' would also be a stretch) Traci Bingham simply for being nice, and yet often sprung to the defense of beleaguered entertainer Michael Barrymore. Strangely, Pete's time as a housemate was most notable for the outfit he wore for his big entrance - a coat he claimed was made from gorilla fur. Tests confirmed that the coat was actually made from Colobus monkey pelts imported before 1975, which helped Pete avoid prosecution.

Following his turn (like a record) on CBB, Pete also popped up on the inaccurately-named Celebrity Wife Swap, and a show called Pete's PA, which endeavoured to find the temperamental gender-bender an assistant - like the Apprentice with a lower budget and more tattoos.

But throughout his career, Pete's celebrity has been defined by two very specific things. The first is THAT song. You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) launched the post-Hi-NRG Europop sound of uber-producers Stock, Aitken & Waterman with its distinctive 'cowbells and handclaps' arrangement which Bananarama 'borrowed' several months later for their cover of Venus. Despite the fact that Pete has complained "I'm sick of that song. It's like still wearing school uniform when you're 50", he's been more than happy to allow other artists to use it, and cash the royalty checks in return - Dope, Jessica Simpson, Flo Rida and Dannii Minogue have all either covered the song or interpolated elements of it in their own tracks.

But the other defining element of Pete's life in the limelight has been his extraordinary appearance. Pete sees his face as a work-in-progress, reasoning "If you own a car, you change that every few years and that's just what I'm doing with my appearance." Sadly though, Pete took this thinking a stretch too far when he opted to replace his lips with airbags. Several dodgy injections of lip-filler resulted in swelling, blisters, discharge and lumps, and in the end, he looked as though someone was holding a bright red flotation device in-front of him.

It's always a shame to see surgery go horrifically wrong (unless you're a TV producer for Sky), but Pete's argument in the lawsuit did seem a little tenuous. For instance, he claimed that, were it not for the botched gob-job, his career would have been at its peak, and that his disfigured appearance meant he didn't leave the house for months. It seems churlish to mention how seldom he has bothered the charts since that first number one single, or how often Pete has quite happily appeared in the spotlight on a range of TV shows.

Nonetheless, having allegedly felt suicidal over his appearance in recent years, this change in his fortunes should finally help Pete positively embrace the future. Having formed the band Dead or Alive, maybe Pete's finally got the answer he was hoping for.

Mother knows best

If you're not already familiar with her pouting puss, this is Nadya Suleman, currently one of the most recognisable faces in America. But her notoriety isn't because she happens to look like Angelina Jolie dressed as Pete Burns for halloween. She also has a uterus that's seen more action than Jerry Bruckheimer.

Suleman shot to fame back in January when she gave birth to a busload of babies, thanks to some heavy-handed fertility treatment and a hunger for fame. The media was quick to rename her 'Octomom', in reference to the octuplets she successfully delivered, although it actually made her sound more like a multi-limbed super-villain, rather than a woman with a more prolific womb than Mrs Walton.

Unfortunately, the tide of public opinion soon turned on Ms Suleman when it emerged that she already had a fairly extensive brood. In fact, the eight new arrivals were taken home to their six other siblings, all conceived through IVF. It didn't help matters that Nadya was also raising her kids single-handedly, and living on a combination of food stamps and disability payments.

At a time when most new mothers would be busy worrying about sleep deprivation, feeding patterns and sore nipples, Nadya was appointing the Killeen Furtney Group to handle her public relations. In early February she appeared on NBC in an exclusive interview, claiming that she wasn't selfish, and that society was 'unfairly judging her' because she was a single mother.

By cleverly politicising a peripheral issue, the opportunistic Octomom managed to avoid the wider concern behind the public's distrust. I'd hazard a guess that most people were more dubious about the motivations of a mother of six, who struggles to provide for the children she already has, actively seeking further IVF treatment.

So we should hardly be surprised to learn that Suleman has successfully negotiated a way of providing for her 14 offspring in the only way she knows how - by selling them to a TV network.

In a move that feels a lot like the parents who sold their children to travelling 'freak shows' in the nineteenth century, Nadya has signed with a British TV production company to make a new reality show. Each of the kids will earn $250 a day for the 71 planned days of filming over the next three years, netting the family somewhere in the region of quarter of a million dollars. No wonder Nadya's turned that trout-pout upside down.

When countless thousands of people are prevented from being loving parents by beaurocracy, legal restrictions, or messy seperations, it's infuriating to see how cavalier some people can be regarding the wellbeing of their children. Sadly, the ability to successfully carry a foetus to term does not automatically qualify someone as a good parent. That doesn't happen until after the baby's born. And Nadya's not off to a great start.