Strangers in the night

Ever since they first burst onto the scene in 2005, the Jonas Brothers have been the puritanical poster boys for pubescent pop-fans. The three siblings, Joe, Kevin and Nick, have made a fairly big deal out of their wholesome, family-friendly image, even winning the scorn of Russell Brand who joked about their pledge to stay virginal.

Their father is a former Assemblies of God pastor, and they were homeschooled by their mother, so it shouldn't really come as a surprise that the boys agreed to wear purity rings as "a promise to ourselves and to God that we'll stay pure till marriage."

Abstinence is a big deal in the States, despite all the evidence that it actually encourages teenage sexual irresponsibility, rather than curbing it. Even Bristol Palin is coining it in, touring schools and lecturing on 'abstinence, pro-life and womens' issues'. Because, you know, it worked out so well for her.

When oldest brother Kevin got married in December 2009, speculation was rife about how quickly the wedding reception would be wrapped up so that Kevin could finally catch up on what he'd missed out on. Since two of the boys' albums had been titled 'A Little Bit Longer' and 'It's About Time', it seems that they were pretty preoccupied with it too. The wedding planner told press at the time that "Kevin couldn't stop smiling". Hardly surprising, given the circumstances.

Sadly for Kevin and Danielle, things haven't been running too smoothly since they got hitched. According to In Touch Weekly, the newly-weds are already sleeping in separate beds as a consequence of Kevin's nocturnal habits.

Don't worry, there's no sordid secret hiding out in Kevin's closet - he just has a snoring problem. A friend of the couple told the magazine that Danielle “loves her husband, but now she sleeps in a guest room when he gets too noisy. They are still crazy about each other, but the snoring has become a big joke for their friends.”

The magazine's indiscreet informer correctly points out that “Kevin and Danielle had never spent a night together until their wedding night, so she had no clue that he snores so loudly.” Kevin and his siblings were so busy focusing on their protecting their chastity, they overlooked some of the other issues thrown up by 'sleeping together'.

Pots and kettles

Russell Brand must be feeling on top of the world right now. Not only is he busy filming a spin-off from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (reprising his break-out movie role), he's also been been booked to revisit another highlight of his career. MTV recently announced that Russell was going to be asked back to host the Video Music Awards in September.

Despite raising some eyebrows last year by joking about the Jonas Brothers' chastity pledge and tearing into the outgoing president, he was sufficiently popular to be worth a second go. But not everyone's pleased about it.

Piers Morgan, the ex-editor and media whore has told OK! magazine that he thinks Brand is vile and disgusting. Without a trace of irony, the braying talent show judge admitted that he couldn't understand the comedian's appeal or his ambitions for success in the States: "That whole Russell Brand thing, I don't get it. The idea that he is some huge international acting star is ridiculous! He's just a long-haired ex-junkie and shagging addict."

Despite having a face like a shoe box full of broken capillaries, Piers star has enjoyed a similarly perplexing upwards trajectory across the pond simply by tolerating a bunch of unimpressive variety acts. So it's funny that he'd attack a target so close to home. You know what they say about people in glass houses...