Do you believe in life after fame?

Jade Goody's ubiquity seems to know no bounds, not even astral ones. Because even though she shuffled off this mingin' mortal coil, she's still collecting column inches.

Maybe there's a great papershop in Heaven, because apparently Jade's ghost knows all about Jack Tweed's post-mourning dalliances. Turns out Jack wasn't the only one disgusted by his actions, Jade's non-corporeal self was similarly incensed and chose to share her fury through a televised seance with medium Jayne Wallace. Perhaps she sensed there were cameras present - once a reality star, always a reality star.

Ex-Jade also communicated (through the totally legit Jayne of course) with her mother Jackiey, saying "Sorry, mum, for not listening to you."

Jackiey must be pleased that she and her daughter are in agreement, having already blasted Jack for his tarting around. She told The Sun "Most of the men Jade has ever been with have sold her out." Weirdly though, she doesn't seem to consider signing up for a two-hour psychic exclusive with a cable channel to be 'selling out'.

During the recording of the show, Jackiey claimed she could "smell Jade like she was standing there next to me..." Although it's not clear whether the scent she was referring to was one of Jade's Superdrug-clogging fragrances.

Jack's guarding his ring in prison

Smart move. And shame on you if you thought I was being dirty there, it was a harmless and innocent comment about jewellery. Apparently, those nasty brutes have been eyeing up the grieving widower's bling. Which means he probably should have kept quiet about his fabulous wealth, and not boasted about being 'set up for life'.

A couple of weeks ago, it was all about Jack being placed on the suicide wing, to protect him from violent offenders. Surely they could have just given him a set of golf clubs (his own weapon of choice)and left him to it?

But despite leaping from one despairing headline to the next, Jack must be wondering where it all went so right. After all, the media interest that sustained his wife is now his only recourse to income. The stories are hitting the press every day and we're perpetually one day further away from forgetting about him forever.

Interestingly, all of these stories have come directly from inside the prison, and I wouldn't be surprised if the 'source' was someone close to Jack. Like the far side of his bathroom mirror.

Art imitates life imitates reality imitates life

Anyone who thought that Jade had finally been laid to rest has another think coming. It emerged this week that plans are afoot to turn her bizarre life into a musical, and the search is on to find an actress with the self-loathing, lack of dignity and pure desperation to play the Primark Princess.

It seems that the astonishing success of The Full Monty, We Will Rock You and Calendar Girls have shown that people will pay £60 to watch any old shit as long as it's familiar. So now we can look forward to two hours of toe-tapping genius depicting a clueless dental nurse with a one-armed lesbian for a mother, who goes on a game show, goes on another game show, opens a shop, goes on another game show, makes half the world angry and then dies. It's like Evita, without all the arm waving.

There's no word yet whether songs will be composed especially for the musical, or if the producers will just take familiar pop songs and repurpose them to suit the narrative. I imagine that, to keep costs down (because this doesn't exactly feel like a sure thing), they'll plump for the latter. I'm just not sure there are too many popular songs out there that describe the emotional trauma of discovering a verucca on your finger, showing off your 'kebab', or expressing disgust as your partner wanks up your leg.

Grief is the new black...

I didn’t intend to be writing about Jade Goody again, especially not in the same week. But I felt the need to comment on some people’s reaction to her passing.
First up to bat is Katie Price, a woman who could give a flesh-eating disease lessons on how to be a parasite. No doubt unhappy that Jade’s front-page death-throes relegated her from the cover of OK magazine for a month, she’s doing some very public grieving for her brave friend. No doubt keen to stake her claim as ‘our girl’ in the magazine, Katie has spoken out about creating some kind of legacy for Jade, in honour of her brave battle and the work she did raising awareness of cancer.
It seems that everyone is too polite to bring up the articles Katie wrote (well, spoke into a dictaphone) condemning Jade as a vile racist bully. Or the ones attacking Jade for making her cancer so public. Because if anyone knows about the line of taste that separates one’s public and private life, it’s The Artist Formerly Known as Jordan.

HolyMoly also shared with readers a stunningly awful tribute penned (or finger-painted) by Big Brother winner Craig Philips. In it, he expressed his sadness at Jade’s tragedy, and shared his hopes that other ‘females and males’ (who’s he missing out here – SheMales?) will be more aware of cancer and ‘other life threatening diseases that have proven to strike anybody at any time’. Craig’s right – Jade’s public battle with cancer has made me more aware of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Tularemia and Bubonic Plague. So thanks for that. But there’s another purpose behind Craig’s kind, if rather mangled, words of comfort. He also kindly reminds us that he’ll be talking about Jade more in his forthcoming autobiography. Someone, hold my place in the queue at Borders.

Finally, Russell Brand has also been at it, although he actually wrote a thoughtful and considered piece on his blog, based on a genuine affection for Jade. In fact, the only bit that threw me was his words of warning about how he hopes that ‘that the people who aspired to be like Jade observe the price she paid’. But it wasn’t fame that gave her terminal cancer. It was a bunch of aggressive cells in her cervix. Let’s keep some perspective shall we?