Reid between the lines

Thank heavens for old fashioned values. On November 4th, 2008, California voters didn't just elect Barack Obama to the highest seat in office, they also approved Proposition 8, which took away the rights of same-sex people to marry.

Those who actually understood what they were voting on, argued that they weren't being homophobic or discriminatory - they were simply fighting to uphold the sanctity of marriage. In their eyes, marriage is a sacred institution blessed by God, and needs to be respected as such.

So I imagine that glasses of sparkling non-alcoholic wine are being chinked all over the place, in celebration of the fact that Katie Price and Alex Reid were able to exchange their vows in a Las Vegas chapel.

This blessed union may have come as a surprise to some, given that Katie's commitment to the relationship seemed to rest on the toss of a coin. She publicly dumped him last year, after he made the mistake of speaking to the press about his proposal plans. After a hasty reunion, she spent most of his stay in the Celebrity Big Brother house hovering back and forth between pushing him away and pulling him up to the bumper.

However, as soon as it looked as though the square-headed scrapper might actually win the show, Katie's fierce business brain went into overdrive. Planning a campaign of activity with military precision, Katie engineered the whole engagement to maximise the revenue potential.

Speaking to the press, she carefully retracted the comments she'd made before about Alex using her fame for his own career, charitably adding "I said to Alex, forget my house, we should buy a house together. I'm going to downsize so we can both afford it."

Perhaps cognisant of the British public's cynicism about the authenticity of their union, Katie made sure no magazine photographers were present to capture the moment where they became victim and wife. However, the ITV2 crew were on hand to preserve the magical moment for Katie's ongoing documentary series, which has been running so long it makes Mahabharat look like a YouTube clip.

Just in case anyone was still in any doubt of their sincerity, Katie's spokesperson declared "Katie and Alex are delighted to announce they got married in a private, simple ceremony. Their decision to marry has not been made with any media deal in place. It is purely down to their love for each other." It's not often that a wedding announcement feels the need to point out that the couple are in love. I thought that was supposed to be the point.

While he was in the Big Brother house, Alex fell under the spell of Stephen Baldwin, who attempted to indoctrinate him in the teachings of the Bible. At the time, this made Alex look easily manipulated and rather foolish.

But maybe he's not just a used-to-be-pretty face. He claims that his newfound faith will help make his marriage work. Given that Katie is a 21st Century succubus, he's going to need all the supernatural assistance he can get...