With only 57 shopping days until Christmas, I'm sure you're already worrying about what to buy for that special someone. Jewellery is always a great option, but how to be sure that you'll pick out something that speaks to the true intensity, passion and intimacy of your relationship?
Rings can be too formal, and besides, it's hard to surprise someone with a ring unless you happen to know their exact size. Bracelets are fine, but can sometimes seem a little juvenile - like something you made out of beads for your thirteen year-old BFF.
How about a necklace? Delicate, feminine and versatile enough to go with any outfit. Something personal and unique, that shows just how much you're willing to splash out on the lady in your life.
Artist Leah Piepgras has the perfect solution, charmingly entitled 'pearl necklace'. Weirdly though, this isn't even a euphemism - her delightful design is described as "a seemingly amorphous cast silver shape on a chain that is an accurate representation of semen".
Because nothing says 'classy lady' like a decolletage covered in synthetic spangle. Of course, this isn't just a tawdry gimmick, "it is a visual marker of chaos turned perfection through an act of beauty and lust." And it makes you look like you didn't even bother to wash after the last time your coitus was interruptused.
In the interests of accuracy, there are two distinct designs available, one presumably representing the benefits of improved motility. Or at least a half-decent aim.
If you have $420 to spare, you might want to blow your wad on one of these precious pieces. According to Leah's website, each item is handmade, although I'd prefer not to think about how.
jesus h christ!
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