Thursday, 21 October 2010

I'll take a detention

Maybe it was just the school I went to, but the idea of having a crush on a teacher would have been about as socially acceptable as declaring myself a 13 year-old necrophiliac. The time-honoured tradition of fantasising about the hot school teacher, who removed her horn-rimmed glasses and slowly shook out her raven locks, always seemed to be about as reality based as a press release about the stability of the Beckhams' marriage.

Nonethless, the aprocryphal stories of student/teacher couplings continue to proliferate, often finding themselves portrayed in teen TV shows and pop songs. Back in 2002, happy-go-rocky boyband Busted launched themselves off the back of a lusty song about a horny teenager and his MILF-alike teacher. And the otherwise sexless Dawson's Creek saw its first season based around the affair between high school underachiever Pacey and his amorous educator.

This is one cultural trope that refuses to stay behind after school and do its lines. So it's interesting to see that parents in Milan have taken a pre-emptive strike against such extra-curricular activities, by withdrawing their kids from a prestigious school because the teacher was just too damn sexy.

She may have three degrees and be a fully-qualified teacher, but it seems that Ileana Tacconelli was inspiring pupils to use their rulers for something other than geometry. Why else would their parents decide to whip their kids out of the otherwise well-respected Catholic school?

To be fair, not all parents have been quite so incensed by the secondary school sexpot's desk-side manner. In particular, fathers of students at San Carlo Catholic High School "have stood by Miss Tacconelli." Presumably close enough to see down her blouse. 

It probably didn't help matters when it emerged that the erotically-charged educator was also a former model, especially when "racy photographs and video footage" popped up online. Maybe you had a teacher that you'd have liked to see in hot-pants and a bra - my brain turns to stone at the very thought of it. 

Nonetheless, all it took was for one disgruntled house-frau to complain to the headteacher that Ileana was "too attractive and a distraction" for the story to hit the front pages of Silvio Berlusconi's newspaper.

Tacconelli responded to the controversy, presumably whilst spilling crumbs of a Cadbury Flake down her gaping top, by saying "All I will say is that if I had wanted to be a model or a showgirl I would have done it when I was younger and prettier. I have been a teacher here for three years and I have never had any problems. There is nothing really to say and I have the backing of the school and the parents." Well quite. I'm sure many of the parents are right behind her - close enough to put another crease in her skirt. 

According to Osvaldo Songini, head of the upper school, "Ileana passed all the very strict requirements to be a teacher here and we are very satisfied." I guess that means she was able to explain the periodic table in a wet t-shirt. 

Sognini also stated "For us here, from don Geranzani down she is an optimum teacher and she has all the qualifications needed. We knew all about her past as she never kept it hidden." Or her lacy bra straps, for that matter. Moral of the story? You shouldn't judge a frayed textbook by its cover. 

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