Monday, 13 September 2010

Was it something we did?

Everyone knows that break-ups are tough. But when you're sifting through the wreckage of a broken relationship, dealing with all the ugly recriminations and retaliations, it's easy to forget about the innocent victims caught in the cross-fire.

Not the kids - fuck them, that's what therapy's for. It'll probably make them grow up into more interesting people.

Think of the brands. The ones who've been with you through thick and, well, stupid. They're looking at your broken home, hugging their knees and sobbing, wondering whether it's all their fault. Questioning if they're the reason why you two don't love each other any more?

OK, so maybe that's not what most people have to deal with when their marriage hits the skids like Richard Hammond in a jet-powered car. But for people like Wayne Rooney, it's a major consideration.

As well as having to make amends with Coleen for having a threesome with two prostitutes while she was pregnant with baby Kai, his future with Coca-Cola currently hangs in the balance. According to news reports, the world's biggest brand name is currently feeling 'horrified and bewildered' by the revelations.

If the King Edward-faced footballer wants to patch things up (and save his £600,000-a-year contract), he's going to have to sit down with the soft drinks giant and explain that he still loves them very, very much. And that whatever happens between him and his wife won't change how he feels about them.

Perhaps he could offer to take Coke to McDonalds every other weekend. Or he might want to refer to Katie Price's argument that often, the products of a broken home get lots more Christmas presents than those in a nuclear family. That's sure to put a smile back on their face.

Thankfully, not everyone's turned their back on him - 50 Cent has kindly offered Wayne a place to stay while he puts his life back together.

Inviting him to stay in his Manhattan penthouse, the generous rapper has said "I’ll make sure that if Wayne comes here and we party that he doesn’t get into any trouble." Which presumably means some kind of 'skank-discretion' screening process.

It's nice to know that someone's looking out for the big guy.

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