Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Fancy a tipple?

You know how it goes. You're given a bad glass of wine and you pull a face like you're working the mixing desk for a Jennifer Lopez recording session.

Asked what's wrong, you tell them "It tastes like piss", only for the smart arse in the group to ask "Oh, when have you drunk piss then?" Hilarious, I know.

Of course, you could tell them that you're like Sarah Miles, and believe in the medicinal qualities of urine. Or point out that, since taste is approximately 70% smell, you have technically experienced the flavour before. However, there's now a third option - just say that you're a whisky drinker.

Now I'm not saying that all whisky is bad - even though I'd rather give Joan Rivers a bed bath than drink it. However, one industrious distiller has created a curious new malt blend out of other people's waste. Although I can't see it flying off the shelves.

Perhaps inspired by the water-saving concept of "If it's yellow, let it mellow", designer and researcher James Gilpin has taken advantage of the alarming rise in type-2 diabetes, turning the urine of diabetes sufferers into 'Gilpin Family Whisky'. In retrospect, it all seems so logical - millions more people producing litres of pee with a high sugar content, and the whisky market growing faster than any other alcoholic beverage.

Now I'd pay good money to see him pitch that to Deborah Meaden and the other Dragons. If they turned him down he could at least throw a drink in their faces.

Gilpin's dubious dram isn't commercially available, but apparently he's giving bottles away at the Abandon Normal Devices (AND) Festival in Manchester. James is trying to initiate debate about health-care and recycling, asking "Is it plausible to suggest that we start utilizing our water purification systems in order to harvest the biological resources that our elderly already process in abundance?"

Rather than complaining that Grandma smells of wee, just grab a tumbler and some oat-cakes and you've got yourself a cut-price Robbie Burns Night. It certainly gives a new meaning to the idea of a night on the piss.

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