Monday, 6 September 2010

Look into the eyes, not around the eyes...

Poor old Christina Hendricks. She should be on top of the world, with a starring role in one of American TV's most acclaimed shows and the prestigious title of 'Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive', but she's still not happy. Apparently, the fashion industry doesn't know what to do with her 38DD-26-34 figure.

Since they're used to dressing stick-think lollipops with breasts that can support themselves, they're unsure of how to style someone who looks like she just stepped out of a giant clam shell. Christina's spectacular statistics don't fit into conventional gowns, meaning she has to look far and wide for an outfit that can reach, well, far and wide.

In the run-up to last week's Emmy Awards, Christina struggled to locate a dress that would cover her ample blessings, with most designers flat-out refusing to dress the Rubenesque red-head. Thankfully, she was able to pour herself into a lilac Zac Posen gown, that drew everyone's attention to the fact that she was trying to sneak Phil Collins and Larry David into the ceremony without tickets.

Although Mad Men went home with the award for 'Outstanding Drama Series', Christina missed out in her category, where she was nominated as 'Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series' - cue endless jokes about 'best supported actress' being a clean sweep.

Hendricks' stylist, Lawren Sample, told a Scottish newspaper that her employer's curvaceous figure has designers worried, since it requires "a flattering cut, the correct amount of support, intricate boning, darts, seams and draping require a great deal of skill, time and expense." Failing that, it needs two wheelbarrows and enough fabric to re-skin the O2.

Only Zac Posen was up to the task, choosing to show off her shape, rather than cover it up. Unfortunately, some snippy style experts were quick to condemn Christina's golden globes, griping that once again they were hogging the limelight.

Posen remained undaunted, arguing "She's got a beautiful body, there's no reason to hide anything. Let's celebrate what she has." Irrespective of the fact that it would take an articulated lorry to 'hide what she has', at least he's got the right idea. There must be millions of men who regularly hold parties in honour of Christina's endowments. Someone pass me a party-popper.

No comments:

Post a Comment