Rather than take a positive approach, and advise people on how to strengthen their relationship, the Mail chose to set off a series of psychological distress flares. Earn more than your husband? He'll go off and fuck the au pair. Is he working long hours? He's probably doing his secretary in the stationery cupboard. And if he's been married before, well, you might as well give the ex-wife keys to your house, because that bitch is already rumpling your bed linen. And she hates your curtains.
But have no fear, because help is at hand, courtesy of those ingenious folks at CB-6000. They're the self-proclaimed 'world leaders in male chastity', and offer a number of innovative solutions to keep your fella's fella under lock and key.
Taking their inspiration from the clunky medieval contraptions designed to keep women's virtue intact, these snug devices encase the right honourable member in plastic. Suddenly, man's real best friend is out of bounds until you say so.
Obviously, there are issues of emasculation to consider here. So the thoughtful designers have created a range of finishes to ensure that your man still feels all man, even if he can't actually feel his old man.
There's a beautiful carved model that gives new meaning to the term "getting wood". And if hubby's a military man, you might want to invest $160 in the special camouflage edition. Now that the US government has finally repealed DADT, countless soldiers will want to protect their privates from other privates' prying eyes. Plus, it even matches their workwear - everyone's happy.
According to the company's website, the devices aren't just for keeping wayward husbands on the slightly-crooked and narrow - they can also be used to spice things up in the bedroom: "In reality the majority of customers purchasing a male chastity device fall into two main groups: either fetish devotees or couples interested in expanding their sexual experiences with chastity play."
It all sounds like a great idea. But surely, couples interested in "chastity play" could save themselves a bunch of money by just taking it in turns to claim to have a headache and sleeping in the spare room.
