Dollies, rocked

In the back-stabby, bitch-fighty world of girl bands, it’s customary to compare each new genre arrival to the group that came before.

Girls Aloud were originally considered the poor man’s Sugababes, The Saturdays were the poor man’s Girls Aloud, and Girls Can’t Catch were the poor man’s Saturdays. By that logic, the Dolly Rockers were pitched at the man lying in a pool of his own piss outside Ladbrokes.

Haven't heard of the Dolly Rockers? Hardly surprising, given that they've so far achieved a level of fame that makes Kandy Rain seem like Destiny's Child. Their first official release was modern pop classic Je Suis Une Dolly, which displayed the kind of Gallic sophistication that we haven't seen since Kylie's 'Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi' (music by Stock/Aitken/Waterman, lyrics by Jean-Paul Sartre).

They followed that with a proper debut single, Gold Digger, which scaled the heady heights of number 46 in the charts. With a limited marketing budget to work with, they had to rely on a more ingenious publicity strategy, which mostly involved slagging off The Saturdays in the press.

Their sharp-tongued demeanour, combined with outfits that looked like they'd been acquired from a fire sale in Victoria's Secret, didn't win them many fans, with the Saturdays retaliating by describing them as "chavs". The public were even less impressed, raising a collective eyebrow of indifference in the girls' general direction.

Now it seems that they've been dropped by their record label EMI, although the Dolly's maintain that their career is alive and well. According to their Twitter account, "We haven't been dropped or split up. Our A&R is changing labels and we are going with him." For the unfortunate A&R man, that must be a little like turning up for a new job with halitosis that could anaesthetise a racehorse.

Coming full circle

Well this is a first - a band reunion taking place while the band still actually exists. Except that this time, the reunion will involve the original line-up rather than the three increasingly random artistes who comprise the band's current line-up.

The Sugababes have rarely been out of the news recently, with more fall-outs, fights and fake kidnappings than an omnibus edition of Hollyoaks. Events finally reached a head four weeks ago when Keisha Buchanan, the final founding member of the group was unceremoniously dumped by the record label and replaced by Jade Ewen.

Fans were quick to argue that with all three members replaced, the band (as it was originally conceived) no longer existed. And although they would continue to support the girls, it was felt that they really ought to rename the group.

Writing in The Guardian, Johnny Dee argued that it's simply a case of 'one lineup change too many' and that the band is now a laughing stock, especially since its signature sound of smart, soulful pop has now been replaced with a soulless electronic R&B sound bearing no resemblance to the band's original brilliance.

Someone's obviously been listening to the fan chatter, since it seems that Mutya Buena is now keen to turn back the clock and reform the Sugababes. Having patched up her differences with original band-member Siobhan Donaghy recently, Mutya believes that the band could be big again, and that this time they'll be mature enough to handle the pressures of fame without turning on each other.

To some, the idea of two competing Sugababes acts may sound like the most exciting thing to happen in pop music since Benny and Bjorn encouraged their band leader to dress as Napoleon. To others, it may feel more like a temporal paradox waiting to happen, like Marty McFly encountering his future self in Back To The Future Part Two. Let's not forget, it has happened before - and things got pretty ugly.

Although I wouldn't normally invoke the name of David Van Day unless I was attempting to open a hellmouth, it's worth remembering that the world once found itself faced with the prospect of not one, but two versions of Bucks Fizz. Ever the opportunist, the tight-faced egomaniac established an anti-Fizz that to compete with Bobby G's more authentic incarnation of the group. Long-winded legal wrangles aside, holiday camps up and down the country were suddenly beseiged by over-bleached middle-aged performers whipping each other's clothes off, like Gloria Hunniford performing a strip-tease.

By the time Mutya, Keisha and Siobhan get their house in order, it's likely that the world will have moved on. Nonetheless, there's every likelihood that David Van Day will be waiting in the wings with a nose-ring and a weave, ready to unveil his own unique take on Britain's favourite girl band.

All change. Again

Well boys and girls, I bet no-one saw that coming did they?

The Sugababes have just released an official statement confirming two-thirds of what we already knew. One of the girls is leaving the battle-weary band, and Eurovision toothpick Jade Ewen is joining them to take their place.

But in a shocking twist worthy of a Melrose Place cliff-hanger, it's founding member Keisha Buchanan who's thrown in the refreshing moist towelette in order to pursue a solo career.

In the US, Puerto Rican boyband Menudo lasted over 30 years by regularly evolving its line-up, making it more like a college fraternity than a conventional band. Maybe Sugababes will follow a similar template - it's a surefire way to make sure they outlast Girls Aloud, the Saturdays and all the other pretenders to their crown.

And if Keisha's solo career follows in the footsteps of ex-bandmate Mutya, at least she can always find work as a Rihanna bobblehead doll.

Catfights and spotlights

Since the dawn of time mankind has been troubled by certain unanswerable questions - why does toast always fall butter-side down, if a tree falls in the forest when no-one's around does it make a sound, and does Boris Johnson own a mirror?

But the one true mystery which continues to elude our smartest thinkers, is why do women hate each other so much? The internet is littered with psychology articles attempting to deduce why sisters are happier doing it for themselves, rather than with each other. But although many of them propose a number of hypotheses, none of them have come close to solving this age-old conundrum. Perhaps what's needed is a case study that can be observed closely, and I can't think of a better bunch of lab-rats than the Sugababes.

When they launched onto the music scene in 2000, they were a breath of fresh air to an increasingly stale pop music industry and an antidote to the manufactured girl bands that were clogging the charts like hair in a drain. The Spice Girls and B*Witched were thankfully on their way out, whilst the recently formed Atomic Kitten were providing the soundtrack to a million Lambrini-fuelled hen nights with their disco trash.

In contrast, the Sugagbabes were gritty, urban and unusual - having formed the band themselves at the precocious age of 13. When their debut album One Touch was released in November of 2000, the music critics were delighted to have finally discovered a girl band that it was OK to like. Fusing R&B and soul, the album produced several singles and won rave reviews, but didn't sell particularly well, partly because it had a cover so ugly that it looked as though it had simply been left to steep in a pot of tea, rather than art directed.

But the music industry is a business, and critical acclaim only gets you so far. So no-one was too surprised when the girls were dropped by London Records. To make matters worse, they not only had to find a new record label, they also needed to find a new 'babe, following the sudden departure of Siobhán Donaghy during a Japanese promotional tour. It soon emerged that Donaghy was suffering from clinical depression as a result of bullying and in-fighting within the group.

Still, the girls soldiered on, signed to Island records and returned with a new album, a new sound, and a pretty new member - one-time Atomic Kitten Heidi Range. Showing considerable bravery and determination, Range stepped into the vipers' nest and made the role her own, although the rumours of bullying continued. This was, in part, because unlike their more glamorous, eager-to-please counterparts, the Sugababes maintained a tougher, less-approachable persona. In fact, with her pierced lip, tattoos and drawn-on eyebrows, founding member Mutya Buena looked as though she'd be more at home spitting at pensioners in a bus-stop than hanging out at the Brits Awards.

By the time album four came around, it was Buena's time to leave the band citing 'personal reasons'. Given that most people, perhaps unfairly, thought that Buena was the ringleader (since she seemed to be staging a smiling boycott for political reasons) it was assumed that the girls had put their reputation for in-fighting behind them.

However, album six's title 'Catfights and Spotlights' suggested that maybe that wasn't the case. New member Amelle Berrabah may have taken to the singing and sultry poses with aplomb, but the group continued to be dogged by stories of internal friction. These rumours came to a head last week when concerns were raised that Berrabah had been kidnapped, following a fight with founding member Keisha Buchanan. After the least exhaustive police investigation of all time, it turned out that Amelle was simply hiding out at home, but it was clear that there were major problems in the group.

Today it was reported that, once again, the Sugababes are looking for a new recruit, further sealing their reputation for going through more members than Paris Hilton on a long weekend. But before the ink had even dried on the press reports, it emerged that the latest Sugababe had already been signed.

Jade Ewen, the UK's toothy representative in this year's Eurovision, is all set to stick her head in the lion's mouth and join the group, despite the fact that her big follow-up single to her turgid Euroballad is due to be released on Monday. Jade's people hastily issued a statement to say that "Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, we regret to inform you that Jade Ewen will be taking time off from all promotional activity for the foreseeable future."

What this means for the girls' new album (due in the next couple of months) remains to be seen. But it's clear that as long as there are Sugababes, there'll be eyes to scratch out and backs to knife. It just goes to show, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your bandmates.