Singing a different tune

It's a sad time for fans of American Idol this week. Paula Abdul lowered her dosage long enough to construct a complete sentence or two, and took to Twitter to announce that after eight years of rambling incoherence, she was leaving the blockbuster talent show.

Despite the fact that her feedback to performers was often cryptic enough to headfuck Dan Brown, she was an instrumental part of the programme's unique appeal. While the other judges quietly contemplated their appraisals, Paula could always be relied upon to dance like a drunken secretary behind the table, and then disguise the inevitable bad news with a compliment about the artist's outfit. But alas, those days are gone.

The producers are remaining tight-lipped about their long-term plans for the show, except to say that they liked the dynamic of four judges and will be looking to recapture the magic. However, fans can at least take solace in the fact that bright orange, vocoder-dependent 'fashion designers' are ten-a-penny in Hollywood. Perhaps that's why Fox has already lined up pouting coat-stand Victoria Beckham to show up as a guest judge for one episode.

Once again the Daily Mail has set any sense of journalistic responsibility aside in order to trot out any old press release in the name of news. They've covered the story of Beckham's temporary signing in a way that implies she was begged to help fill the chair vacated by ex-choreographer and jewellery designer. According to the UK's most dubious news source "Simon Cowell has called [Victoria] to join him on the judging panel... for a rumoured £155,000." Strangely enough, no mention is made of the fact that the creator and executive producer of American Idol, Simon Fuller, is also the Beckhams' manager. This one-off opportunity may indeed be a 'favour', but I'd hazard a guess that it's Victoria who's the one to benefit from it.

Good idea? You be the judge...

With the seventh season of Strictly Come Dancing heading to screens in the Autumn, the BBC has announced some big changes to its flagship show. Clearly inspired by American Idol and The X-Factor's attempts to shake up the talent show format, bosses have axed Arlene Phillips and replaced her with Alesha Dixon, the photogenic winner of the 2007 series. They've also revealed plans to bring in Darcey Bussell in the latter part of the series. But not everyone's happy about these changes.

According to the Daily Mail, which has a sixth sense for grumbles of discontent, the dancers on the show are incensed that they'll be judged by an 'amateur' with limited dancing experience. Clearly they've never seen Paula Abdul dispensing singing tips on Idol.

Fiona Phillips has also waded in to give her perspective on the decision. Writing in The Mirror, (probably with her face contorted into that characteristic sneer of hers) she criticised the choice, saying "Since when was Alesha Dixon a choreographer? And who, outside the chattering class pastures of the broadsheets and the Royal Ballet, cares about Darcey Bussell?". It's a stupid comment really, although hardly surprising if you ever endured one her painful interviews on GMTV, since no-one has said Alesha is a choreographer. Phillips herself admits that Arlene's caustic comments infuriated viewers, and maybe that's precisely why the ex-Mis-Teeq singer is such a good choice.

There's always a danger on any of these shows that the egos of the judges dominate proceedings and the contestants get sidelined into supporting roles. Every show needs a Simon Cowell - a plain-speaking, blunt-to-the-point-of-cruelty judge, but that needs to be countered with more empathetic personalities. Otherwise they might as well just replace the judging panel with a group of feces-hurling monkeys. Having gone through the show as a contestant (and wowed people with her natural dancing talent), Alesha is in a great position to give considered feedback on how the performers fared in the spotlight. She might not be able to critique their lines or timing, but that's what the other judges are there for.

As for those who've suggested that it's another case of the BBC's 'ageist' hiring and firing policy, I suggest they take a look at the show's host. Bruce Forsyth, a man whose earliest performances were on a zoetrope, actually considered legal action against newspapers that speculated he was leaving because of his advanced age. So who's really ageist here?