Some are more equal than others

What's the difference between exhibitionism and exposing yourself? That's not the set-up for a joke, it's a genuine question.

Two different women, two different outfits, two different nights out. Neither one seems to have any qualms about showing off the goods, and yet the Mail has two very different ways of reporting their exploits.

The first is Liz Hurley, who never met a dress she couldn't spill out of. From attending a film premiere dressed like a punk's earlobe, to turning up at someone else's wedding in a limelight-hogging frock, Liz has always had a penchant for picking the perfect outfit to guarantee column inches.

This week she and husband Arun Nayar arrived at the Love Ball charity event, with Liz sporting a sheer blue sari and nothing else. As a result the paparazzi's flashbulbs revealed Liz's Notting Hill's in all their glimmering glory.

But because La Hurley is plummier than a bottle of hoisin sauce, the Mail decided to give her weather-inappropriate outfit a fawning write-up - "Now that's sheer exhibitionism, Liz. With a figure like hers at 44, who can blame La Hurley for wanting to show it off?"

However, it was a different story for Peaches Geldof, who took a picture of herself showing some leg in the back of taxi en route to the Issa catwalk show. This time the Mail's slightly more condemnatory coverage read "Why IS Peaches exposing herself in the back of taxi? Dress rode up to expose her heavily tattooed thigh - the perfect picture to Twitter then."

Now, I can't blame the Mail for taking a dislike to Peaches, a woman so pointless she could have sprung from the pages of the Innovations catalogue. But why is she described as 'attention-seeking', whilst Hurley gets a commendation for 'accidentally' overlooking the need for underwear?

Attention is like oxygen to any celebrity - especially those who serve a mostly decorative function. Self-worth is measured in column inches. So by all means congratulate Liz on looking fantastic at 44, but don't give her a free pass only to condemn those who try a similar tactic.

Besides, if they really want to take a pop at Peaches, they're hardly going to be short of material - unlike her dress.

Please have mercy...

Remember Liz Hurley? Plummy tart famous for a dress that looked half-finished and a wedding programme so lavish it made Mariah Carey look like Sister Wendy. She's been speaking to the press this week, saying she misses her 'old career'. Anyone?

If you're racking your brain to figure out what it is she ever did, other than give birth to a brobdingnagian baby or look doe-eyed when long-time boyfriend Hugh Grant got a blowie from a hooker, I'm sure you're not alone.

Apparently, Liz's long-lost career is that of 'actress'. She says "I really miss it. I decided I couldn't do movies for a while, which was a huge decision for me because I actually love making movies more than anything." I'm not so sure that everyone else was so keen, but there you go. It turns out that her absence from the silver screen was because she didn't want to take her son Damian out of school.

It's not all bad news though. Liz promises that "...if a great movie came up in the school holidays, I'd take it like a shot!" Well, I think that's a good enough argument for educational reform to eradicate holidays altogether. Still, if it means we can look forward to a belated sequel to modern classic 'Passenger 57', it can't be all bad...